Princess Julia

In the movie Ghost World, the main character Enid presents a piece of "found art" to her summer school art class. I thought (and, to a certain degree still think) this was odd, Enid was presented with an assignment and instead of creating a piece of art on her own, she found a picture in her friend's house and presented it in place of her own creation. With that in mind, I would like to present a piece of "found journal." The writing is not my own. Yesterday as my wife and I walked to the movie theater I found two pieces of paper, torn out of a journal. I present them here, in unedited form.

8/27/06
"As I begin along these pages my heart aches to run after him - Oh Lord fatigue leans on me like a wedge a concrete plank along my shoulders, my chest, my heart - It is only to you I need to run to - hide behind - I want him to fight for me - show any emotion he has left - even anger - and then I push him there and all he has left - all he wants to do is sleep - Did I create this? Our sin - our consequences creat ugliness - In ourselves + everything we touch - It has only been 12 days sine Maddy's death + as I looked up at him las night - The pain seared within my heart + the lump in my throat as I attempted to push all of the emotions back - But this army always outnumbers my own - and as I hear the news of Toughy's death - and the picture of grief on my parents face as they try to take the pain away - as they try to understand + comfort him + each other I am reminded of him again - and all he tried to do keep our world from unraveling - John - this name - His name means protector - but he could not protect me - Him - us - from all of the grief our situation created - He used to show up at my house every morning - with some kind of treat before he headed of to his world - so planned - so prepared + so energized - He was so happy when we first met - Lord His love reminds me so much of Yours - And as it broke into so many tiny pieces I find myself kneeling down in my grief attempting to put all of the pieces back but with each piece comes a sharp prickly corner that will not let me come to close without injuring myself. I love him - but I have to love myself enough to walk away and let you with your infinite strength and tender touch - replace the pieces with an unjagged and even more beautiful piece - Lord this is as much for him as for me - As I pray for my parents and me + John Today God is giving me the beatitudes to meditate on: Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of God, and blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted - offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life
I am under grace =)
Let me then offer myself to him in righteousness which leads to holiness -> and this to Eternal Life - Oh Lord let me live for you - a slave each day for righteousness - let me pursue you. let me call upon you when I am feeling attacked - comfort me and hold me - w Let me not ever turn away but let me grasp onto you - Feed me, fulfill me, protect me, sustain me - that your will and not my own may be done - that I might do great things to further your kingdom -
Sincerely - your daughter + beloved,
Princess Julia"

(next entry is undated, written in what appears to be a harried hand)

This is a lot more difficult than I thought - You wake up one day and - a pattern A's - the man that used to always meet you for breakfast is gone from your life - and the kitty that was once waiting for you is no longer there - Sadness - Aloneness - Do they have to equal each other? Probably not - but it feels like they do - God - Why do I want to turn to every other man in the world but you when I am alone - Am I cheap? A chance 4 cheap attention - sort of seems that way - a cigarette - a cola? I DONT WANT TO GO TO BED - Grrr - Jessi We shd work out and not eat anything all day - Jewels - we should have breakfast - stop with the cigs - and not call anyone!
AAAAAAA - THIS IS HARD!