Revelations

I am a whore and a murderer. So goes the phrase repeated almost daily by my grad school professor. Well that's just nice for him, and on a certain level it's alright for me, but is it true? Could it really be true that I am a whore and a murderer? Had you asked me this question a month ago, I might have said, "Sure, yeah." Ask me now? I'd have to say that and a whole lot more.

A month ago I thought I had it pretty well together, pretty figured out. Oh I knew I had a lot to learn about life, God, and relating to others, but I thought I was pretty put together. So after three weeks of class, I've discovered that I am an attention whore, I'm a manipulator, I think much of this may stem from my relationship with my mother (no Freudian weirdness here people,) and I don't know how to carry on an adult relationship. Oh yeah, and I'm not really that outgoing, but I can fake it real nice.

I also don't want people to know the real me, I really don't think I know the real me for that matter. Take this blog for example. So I know at least one person reads this, and that's fine. But I don't want to broadcast it everywhere that I have a blog. Why? Because I want to be known anonymously. I want to have the freedom to post my heart and not be worried about having an awkward moment next time I see someone who read my blog and was offended.

So what should I do? Should I censor my posts and tell the world that Tim's blog lives here? Should I continue writing from the heart (as much as I can at this point in time) and tell everyone they're just out of luck on reading the blog? Or should I scrap the blog altogether?

I don't know, Tim what would you do?