To Inspire a Dream...

Saw this in my neighborhood yesterday

2009-03-03T11:13:00.000-08:00

Yup, looks like a friendly feller alright.

RIP John Spalding

2008-12-01T11:36:00.000-08:00

Victory draws closer, as death takes over me.....

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=35394855&blogID=451417113

http://www.seattleweekly.com/2008-11-12/music/how-terminal-illness-helped-one-local-musician-find-his-voice/

http://westseattleblog.com/blog/?p=12198

http://www.myspace.com/ninetypoundwuss

http://www.myspace.com/lovelandrock

Enjoy the music. Thank you.

Welcome to you as we see it...

2008-09-28T21:27:00.000-07:00

INFP

Hello from Seattle

2008-06-15T14:05:00.000-07:00

My new toy... this is so sweet!

(btw - haven't had time to post and/or twitter lately, maybe after the semester's end? thanks for staying subscribed)

Bios...

2008-05-15T17:19:00.001-07:00

I was recently asked to draw up a bio on me for my job's web site. I thought I'd share it with you too:

Tim [last name removed to protect privacy]
Genius and Master Crafter of the Innocuous and Asinine

I was born a poor black child, sitting on the porch with my family, singing, dancing, way down in Louisiana. I like food, but only some of it. Some may call me picky, yet I prefer 'extremely selective' when it comes to what I put in my temple. You couldn't pay me enough to eat most foods, in fact you couldn't pay me enough to eat some of the foods we eat on the tour! But I like to talk, sometimes. And I like to be the center of attention, but only when I want to. And I like to be around people, but only some people, some of the time. I enjoy long walks along the beach, but hate when I forget my sunglasses. My favorite foods include bake at home pizzas, delivery pizza, and restaurant pizza. I also like Peter Pan peanut butter, biscuits and ketchup, pretzels, and Canada mints. I really dig Canada mints. Sushi is pretentious and for people with low self-esteem. And I am not someone with low self-esteem, except when I am. I'm also not boastful, even though nobody has more to be boastful about than me. Oh, and I like gumbo. But not the crappy gumbo they sell at Bayou on 1st. That lady's never even been to Louisiana. By the way, Louisiana was the first LA, so all you siliconed, fake tanned, stupid Los Angelesianers should recognize. Maybe the bleach has soaked in all the way to your brain-stem, I'd suggest cutting back. Anyway, I love people - anyone from anywhere!

Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.

Tim [last name removed to protect privacy]
Potentially Unemployable!

[END]

1,000 points for the first person to catch the movie references at the beginning and end.

I've been blogged...

2008-04-16T10:46:00.000-07:00

So part of my new job seems to be being reviewed in a public forum. So far it's been good...

Concentrate, boy, concentrate...

2008-04-16T05:50:00.000-07:00

Maybe this will help me concentrate and focus on writing papers for school... that or, with the heat my laptop produces, it will bake my face.

The Day Football Died...

2008-04-11T16:43:00.000-07:00

The Day Football Died.

Thank you Annette, you speak the words all of us fans felt, but could not voice.

Not in my wildest dreams...

2008-03-26T20:32:00.000-07:00

Snow. That's right, snow. At 8:32 Pacific Standard Time, in the CD, in Seattle, Wa on March 26, 2008 it is snowing huge, fluffy flakes of pure joy. It's likely not to stick around, and it will be gone by morn, but it is currently snowing. And I am filled with joy.

Playing a big man's game with the joy of a child...

2008-03-04T10:24:00.001-08:00

Thank you Brett.

For those who want me to blog more...

2008-02-04T11:37:00.000-08:00

This was my experience yesterday working at the market:
(Click on the pic for larger size)

Hello, gentleman

2007-11-14T08:49:00.000-08:00

I appreciate fine poetry when I come by it, which is why I think the following spam message I received would be one I wouldn't mind receiving more of. Oops, I'm gonna get it now.

Hello, gentleman

I was waiting all winter, I am still waiting when the Skies will fill up
with the first thunderstorm, when it will rain and will bring the fresh air,
to forget the winter and to wash off any sorrows of past life. So that when
I will meet you, my dear I will be fresh like a thunderstorm, I will have
blue eyes, like the sky after the rain and I will hug you around the neck
and kiss on a cheek.
You would play with my hair and will kiss me gently, and we will fly to the
clear skies, where we will start to dance, joining with each cell of our
bodies, with each little piece of our souls, each heart beat, each
breathe... I am very lonely without you, and wait for you at
http://insert mail order bride website here]

The best of luck
Julia

Otis is Resurrected

2007-11-02T06:27:00.000-07:00

I recently heard this short story read on a radio program. I found it to be thought
provoking, unnerving, and moving. After reading it, let me know your thoughts. That's right, you now have homework. Go read Otis is Resurrected.

Shirtless men, L-shaped blankets, and banana bread...

2007-10-23T11:11:00.000-07:00

I remember being attracted to members of the opposite sex at a very early age. In my preschool years, I had what I can only describe as a ‘crush’ on my babysitter’s daughter who was eleven or twelve years older than I. In the time that I stayed at my babysitter’s home, in between play I would sometimes see clips of the daytime soap operas on her television. In the soap operas, a shirtless man would often be depicted laying in bed with a woman in his arms. I do not believe I knew at this point why he was shirtless and a convenient L-shaped blanket covered her to her bare shoulders, but it was behavior that I would attempt to repeat with my babysitter’s niece.

While playing in the bedroom of the niece, we somehow found ourselves sitting on her bed. I suggested we lie down, and when we did I put my arm around her as I had seen the man on the television do. How long we lay there, I do not know, but my attempt at being a leading man in a soap opera lasted only until my babysitter happened to walk by and witness our rest. I was swiftly and forcefully told that my behavior was both inappropriate and unwelcome in this particular home. Years later I would again attempt this embrace, conscious of this memory and vowing that it would be allowed in my new home with my new wife. However, in the four and a half years we have been married, I have yet to find one of those L-shaped blankets.

It is finished...

2007-10-09T05:53:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday I had the pleasure of completing one of my life's goals. After approximately 8 months and approximately 4,500 songs, I have successfully listened to every song on my iPod. It's a pretty good feeling. Over the course of these months I have added songs, removed songs, and wished I had removed others. But it is finished. I celebrated by adding another cd to the mix, so it starts all over again...

BTW check out mewithoutYou's cd Brother Sister, I just didn't realize just how good they are.

War of Dark

2007-10-03T20:06:00.000-07:00

My stomach ties in knots
Afraid
Afraid of the dark
Afraid of you

Darkness sits just outside
Calling my name, playing my game
Waiting to engulf, eat me alive, tear me to shreds

You, darkness, sit just inside
More insidious, waiting to pounce
Midnight jaguar
Black claws, bloody teeth

I feel the dark clawing at my door
You beckon me, inviting me to enter you
And let you enter me

I fight knowing I will fail
The locks of my heart are not strong
Keys lost ages ago
Stolen

I fight
Strong enough to keep you at bay?
You answer with a smile, moist tongue licking black lips,
Oh yeah, you're strong enough. Come closer and see.

My stomach knot loosens

You enter me
Deep into veins
I enter you
You devour my heart

Engulfed in your pitch
I become you
And lose me

No longer do I exist
Drowned in a sea of noir
Red blood sucked dry
Veins course with tar

I am decomposed
My soul reeks of rot
Stench of decay
Calling you out of the shadows

Triumph is yours tonight
My soul raped
Slaughtered long ago

Yet continuing to feed you do
Incisors insatiable
As my stomach ties in knots
And the war begins again

Thank you, come again...

2007-09-27T15:11:00.000-07:00

So today I go to the 7-Eleven near my house to get a Slurpee. Ok, full disclosure: 2 Slurpees, both refills (hey, they're only 99 cents!), one a 40 ounce traditional Slurpee cup similar to the one pictured, the other a hard plastic, 32 ounce hologram "Superman the Movie" cup I got last summer ('06). I've been bringing that one to get refilled for a while now... and I'm a little embarassed to keep bringing it it, but oh well.

So I go fairly often, maybe twice a week to this particular 7-Eleven to get Slurpees. It's close to my house and they have the second best Slurpees in town. I get two and put them both in the freezer to harden and be enjoyed at my leisure. It's a habit I picked up this summer when things got hot. Having no air conditioner can make a man desperate...

I kinda figured I was going too often to this particular 7-Eleven when a few weeks ago the clerk said to me, "I'll see you tomorrow!" as I was leaving the store. Funny. The next time I came in he started singing in what I can only assume is Arabic. Ok that's a little strange. The good thing is that now I don't have to tell him that both are refills, but he sometimes asks me if they're new. Nope. Always refills. (did I mention they're 99 cents!?!)

So today when I walked in, he didn't notice me. I took my time properly filling both cups and made my way to the counter. The clerk gave me the total before ringing them up, and made a comment about the Superman cup. I replied that I had had it a while, to which he replied, "At least two years!" He then started laughing, turned to his co-worker, and proceeded to, I assume, make fun of me. They were both speaking in Arabic, as they pointed and laughed at me and my Superman cup.

But really, the joke is one him. By getting a refill, he's not getting the $1.06 I would have paid for two new ones! Oh yeah, saving money tastes that good...

Where are you?

2007-09-20T10:19:00.001-07:00

Beloved

2007-08-23T14:30:00.000-07:00

my tears fall as my hand bleeds
but i cry not for my hand, for it will heal
there is no question, it will heal
a scar will remain, a reminder of this moment
but i cry not for my hand

i cry for you and yet my tears fall also for me
i don't ever cry for me
so i will cry for you
i cry for your beauty
fragile in the face of attacks
hopes to mar

i pray for your beauty, for your joy, for your glow

do i believe grace is real?
i did, and i didn't, and i did again.
will grace smile on your beauty?
will you smile back?

as my tears fall, i cry for you, and for me
for the times i withheld grace, stole grace, locked it away
the poor, the sick, the broken hearts i have ignored
no, not ignored
willingly damned to Hell
happily damned to Hell
i held grace tight in my fist, locked closed by pride
unwilling to share
with those not deserving grace, my grace, my

i mourn for me, as i see my scars
the pain i have caused
the pain i gleefully allowed
my pride scarring others
i mourn for them too

mournful for them, and for me, and for you
for the road you must face
tough decisions, honest regrets
scars that remind
stubbornness of pride

yours and mine

you have my love, my support, my grace
yes, my grace
for i know many will not give of theirs
you will be scarred
hypocrite, whore, liar, slut

yet there is truth
truth found in grace
only in grace

you are loved
you are prayed for
you are precious
you are scarred

you are beautiful, and you have beauty

Laugh...

2007-08-10T20:15:00.001-07:00

This video makes me laugh... till the twist.

http://view.break.com/346853 - Watch more free videos

GO SEE THIS MOVIE...

2007-07-25T16:28:00.000-07:00

IMMEDIATELY! YOU DO YOURSELF AN IMMENSE DISSERVICE IF YOU MISS THIS.

Anyone lost a computer...

2007-07-23T18:22:00.000-07:00

If you have, I just might have found it. While walking home today, I found a briefcase (priced at $99.99, it's super-nice). Within there is an $1800 laptop and confidential papers regarding a risk management meeting for a large, local banking establishment. Sure would be nice to keep it all, but there's that whole integrity thing...

Mmm....Toasty...

2007-07-17T13:17:00.000-07:00

So my wife and I went to hang out with some friends the other night. We ate, saw another friend play some cool music, and had a good time hanging out. We got home a little late, but not obscenely late, and went straight to bed in anticipation of the busy work day the following day.

Around 11:15-11:20 the smell began. It was a bold, heavy scent reminiscent of burnt hair. Thinking it was someone barbecuing on the patio next door, we tried to ignore it. As time went on, the smell got worse and worse, to the point where my wife was checking the stove and I was closing all of the windows. It was foul. As if someone who owned a hair salon decided to take a year's worth of clippings and sacrifice them as a burnt offering right outside our window.

Suddenly we hear a huge crash from what we think is the apartment above. This was a tad odd, however, it is not uncommon for our upstairs neighbors to periodically drop free-weights at odd hours of the night. By now it is around midnight and I was lamenting the fact that I kept getting woken up.

BANG BANG BANG on our door. The dog goes off. I jump out of bed and make it to the door only to realize that I don't have my glasses on. Without glasses, I'm as good as blind. I run back to the bedroom to grab my glasses and run back to the door. Before I open it I hear a deep voice, "There's a fire downstairs, we need you outside now!"

It was in this moment that I thought, "Oh, a fire. That's new. Never had an experience like this before." Throwing on some clothes, grabbing the dog, we run down the back stairs. Of course, being curious I have to open the door to the second floor to see what's going on. I saw firemen outside of the apartment directly below ours and smoke billowing out of the doorway. Sweet, it really was a fire!

Upon getting outside and talking to our building manager, we found out that the little old lady who lives under us (who also constantly has her tv cranked to 11 and on SoapNet) put some eggs on the stove and fell asleep. Fire's out. Go home.

Let that be a lesson to all you little old ladies out there, eggs+stove+11:30pm=DANGER!

Penny for your thoughts...

2007-07-16T10:24:00.000-07:00

"You cock sucker piece of shit!"

How did I get here? Was I out of my mind? Maybe I was somewhere within trying to understand how this all had come to take place? Somehow I was both in my head and looking over my own shoulder trying to understand what I was saying and what was being said to me. The moment was a blur, a vivid, colorful, weighty blur of human interaction.

Maybe it was the heat, maybe I was tired or frustrated from working or going to school every day this week, maybe it was the sugar high from the 40 oz. Slurpee. Maybe it was an endless list of things that lead up to this moment of heated interaction. Whatever it was, I was in it and I wanted to remember everything. Part of me saw it as a science experiment, if I say this will you do that? If I push you will you push back? Yet another part of me fought to be mindful of him respecting him and his condition.

On our way to meet up with friends yesterday, we stopped in at Blockbuster to pick up a movie. For the past three or four weeks it's been hot here and I'm sure it's wearing on many, or maybe it's just wearing on me. Leaving the air conditioned coolness of Blockbuster, I opened the door of the car (curbside) for my wife. Shutting the door I walked to the back of the car and waited for traffic to pass. As I got to the back of the car, a disheveled man with long, dirty, greasy hair and layers upon layers of clothes caught my eye as he walked past. In his stained hands he carried a blue walkman, earphones resting around his neck.

The request, the denial.

"Can you spare some change?"
"No, I'm sorry. I can't help you."

End of interaction? Hardly. He's a warrior.

"Come on, just a little bit of change!"
"No, I'm sorry."
"Give me some change! I know you've got it!"
"Sir, I'm sorry. I can't help you."

I've been in similar situations, though not to this degree. After the second request, many people asking for change simply say something like, "Thanks anyway," "God bless," or "Thanks for nothing," and walk away. Not this guy, remember, he's a warrior.

(voice raised) "What about in the console, maybe you got any change in the console you can give me?!?"
(firm voice, slightly perturbed and feeling the heat...both heats) "Sir, I don't. I'm sorry."

(he begins to walk away, still holding my gaze) "Alright then you cock sucker piece of shit! Keep your money! Am I the only one around here who still believes in the Constitution?!? Am I the only patriot here?"
(still firm) "Sir, good luck."

"Luck? You know, I'm just about tired of vandalizing all you people's shit! Cause you know that's what I'm gonna do! I'm just gonna tear it up. I'm gonna keep vandalizing your shit till I get some money!"
(entering the car) "Good luck, have a nice day."
"Fuck your nice day."

I guess it's true...

2007-07-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

So I'm pretty pumped about my 1,000 films challenge, and with that in mind I eagerly opened my mail box today to discover 2 Blockbuster envelopes with movies on 'the list'. The first movie? Swingers, a movie I've heard great things about and have wanted to see for a few years now. But the movie I actually sat down to watch was the other film, Reality Bites. This was another film I've heard great things about and really wanted to check out.

The problem? This film bites. I spent 1 hour 33minutes and 8 seconds watching a movie that totally blows. But at least it's on 'the list,' right? There is some comfort in that... I mean I was going to get around to seeing it someday, but the excitement of inching closer toward my goal had me just short of giddy.

So I open the list to mark it off as watched, only to discover that the waste of celluloid known as Reality Bites is not on the list as I thought it was. Disappointment? Understatement?

I guess it's true, Reality Bites.

Beware...

2007-07-02T14:52:00.001-07:00

Devil Egg

Every man needs a mission...

2007-06-30T20:48:00.000-07:00

Every man needs a mission, a wise man once said. Actually I made that up, but it sounds like something a wise man might say. I've recently agreed to take on two missions, on mildly difficult and time consuming and the other slightly more difficult and more time consuming. These folks, just might be life changing.

Mission 1: Should you choose to accept, you must ensure that every song on your 30gb iPod has been listened to at least once by yourself. No fast forwarding, skipping, or turning the iPod on and leaving it to play for the dog while you go on a walk.
Date started: approximately 4 weeks ago.
Songs started with: Approximately 3, 100.
Songs left: Approximately 1,800.
Date to be completed: A.S.A.P.

Mission 2: Should you choose to accept, you must ensure that every movie on the Guardian's list of 1,000 films to see before you die have been watched in their entirety by you.
Date started: Technically sometime as a child.
Films started with: 1,000.
Films watched: Approximately 188.
Date to be completed: Before you die.

I have chosen to make these two tasks my life's mission. Support me in my travels, pray for my stamina, and judge me not.

Words I try to live by...

2007-06-27T08:57:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 6:9 (NIV)
...'Be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing, but never perceiving.'

Out of context? You're out of context my friend!

right now

2007-06-18T10:25:00.000-07:00

i m blind

I wrote this in my dreams, I hope you hate it...

2007-05-12T05:28:00.000-07:00

hope you are my fleeting mistress
i lie with you in glances
experience your ecstasy in moments that last
far too short
and come far too little
you are my desire
yet also my fear
i dread you i love you i detest you i need you
i saw you yesterday
in the face of another
in the face of many others
in a crooked smile a misshapen face a contorted body
you tempted me
asked me to come and lie with you again
i fell for you once more
but only a touch a quick taste
then i left you for the temptress
less appealing more appealing less satisfying
reality is her name
complacency also
and numb
i cannot be with you mistress hope
it is too risky to get caught
to be found
to answer for you
you move me you tempt me you bring me to tears in joy
dare i make you my wife my companion my life
it is too risky to get caught
someday maybe
but today i flirt
i skirt
i
you
we
you will be mine and i will be yours
yet today you remain a mistress
my secret
this will not always be
i hope

2007-04-29T15:33:00.000-07:00

For the white person who wants to know how to be my friend, the first thing you must do is forget that I am black. Second, you must never forget that I am black. - Pat Parker

Gray, white, red, purple and pink

2007-04-16T18:22:00.000-07:00

Today I took a different route to school, which led me to the waterfront along Elliot Bay (in the Puget Sound). It was a beautiful Seattle day, it was overcast and gray, the mountains hidden behind a shadow of mist. There was a lite, cold breeze coming off the water and the temperature must have been a cool 54 degrees (in the Fahrenheit). I love water, I love how water moves back and forth, tiny molecules of hydrogen and oxygen fighting to stay in bonds, moving in waves, licking the rocks. The water in Puget Sound is magical. Seattle is magical, but that's another post, today we're talking about the water.

I'm convinced God lives in the water. I know what some of you are thinking, isn't that a band or something? No, that's God Lives Underwater and they broke up two years ago. God lives IN the water, not under it. I don't even know what that means, but it somehow feels right.

As I walked along the waterfront, I spotted a seagull. Seagulls are beautiful, and annoying. They aren't as annoying as pigeons, but they are annoying when you're on a ferry and they surround you thinking you're going to throw them part of your hotdog, pretzel, or sandwich meat. However, in the air they look gorgeous. They also look gorgeous on the water. In the water. On the water.

I've always loved nature, especially animals. I could sit and watch a squirrel in a park forever and not get bored. I actually talked to a squirrel in a park once, but, again, that's another post. This particular seagull was floating on the water looking for food. I watched it for what seemed like an hour. In reality, it may have been five minutes, it may have been 20, I don't know. But I was enraptured with this creature. I followed it down the waterfront as it traveled in search of a meal. It saw me and watched me off and on as we traveled together. At one point, he discovered something he desired to partake of, diving his head underwater and pulling up a bright red crab about the size of my fist. Apparently, the crab did not take such a liking to the seagull as it quickly began pinching the seagull around the beak and facial area. Wisely, the seagull let the crab continue on with its day.

A few feet down, the seagull discovered another possible tasty treat. Darting its head between two rocks, the seagull pulled out a starfish bigger than my outstretched hand. The starfish was amazing. First, I hadn't considered that starfish actually lived in the Sound. Second, the starfish was a deep purple color, its underside being a light pink. Another gorgeous creature. The starfish's best defense was quickly realized as it slipped out of the seagull's beak back into the water. This made the seagull very angry as it dove two or three times to try to regain its prize meal. Unfortunately, it was unable to do so, and continued its search.

In time, he left the water to perch on the rocks, and it was my time to go. I thanked the seagull, I thanked God in the seagull, I asked God to thank the seagull for me. As I walked to school I got caught behind a train, but that was just fine with me. It gave me time to remember and think about my friend the seagull, my friends the starfish and the crab, and my God that lives in the water.

Beauty is waiting...

2007-04-15T20:03:00.000-07:00

THE CANVAS WAITING
"OPENER"

Content on just getting by another hour then you’ll waste away another night
Disguise your scars with a smile attempt to hide away from arms that are reaching
You’re burnt out on everything so give up this charade because there’s beauty waiting

In your eyes there’s a heart that’s on fire and a girl that walks these streets alone
Well she cant go home she cant go home again

Content on just getting by another day then you’ll waste away another life
You’re burnt out on everything so give up this charade because there’s beauty waiting

In your eyes there’s a heart that’s on fire and a girl that walks these streets alone
Well she cant go home she cant go home again
It’s so hard for you to believe in anything or anyone
When your already let down its just another let down

All the promises you made and all the times I tried to make you proud
It’s so hard to jump when you can’t see the ground
And in your absence I have found that in your absence I have learned to live without

In your eyes there’s a heart that’s on fire and a girl that walks these streets alone
Well she cant go home she cant go home again
It’s so hard for you to believe in anything or anyone
When your already let down its just another let down

What's wrong with my picture?

2007-04-12T22:27:00.000-07:00

Today I was walking to buy a Slurpee. I saw a woman who was struggling to carry a heavy box. I helped her. She was pretty. A few blocks later I saw a homeless person sleeping in a doorway. Four more blocks till Slurpee time. On my way back, I saw the homeless person still sleeping. I had forgotten that I saw them in the first place. I looked for the lady with the box, though. She was gone from the spot where I left her.

I am ma I

2007-04-11T19:50:00.000-07:00

I'm 24 freakin' years old, yet I still look at people that are 26-29 and think, "Man, those people are so much older than I am."

2007-03-30T19:30:00.000-07:00

If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?
so, here's how it works:

1. Open your media player's library
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie

Opening Credits: Party - Mongol800

Waking Up: If God Will Send His Angels (Big Yarn Mix) - U2

First day of School: 40 - U2

Falling in Love: In Dreams - Spoken

Fight Song: The Nowl - The Crucified

Breaking Up: Anna Thema - Stavesacre

Getting Back Together: Take Me Higher - Jars of Clay

Prom: One Step Away - Ghoti Hook

Life: We Dreamt in Heist - Anberlin

Mental Breakdown: Anymore - Justifide

Driving: No One Like You - David Crowder Band

Flashback: One Less Addiction - Embodyment

Sunday drive: Universe and U - KT Tunstall

Losing your virginity: Edderlezzie (phonetically spelled out) - Beirut

Wedding: Like Eating Glass - Bloc Party

Birth of Child: The Last Round - Slick Shoes

Final Battle: Image of the Beast - Saviour Machine

Funeral Song: Home I'll Never Be - Tom Waits

Death Scene: Long December - Counting Crows

Closing Credits: When I Cry - Magnetic Fields

______________________________________

So what did we learn from this exercise? Well, some of these answers are appropriate, namely the funeral song and getting back together. Others made little sense: Sunday drive and first day of school. Some were completely off base: Wedding.

I think what we really learned is that I have successfully killed 20 minutes and further put off the seven papers I have due this week.

Until next time kids...

Stupid Computer

2007-03-25T20:19:00.000-07:00

Original sentence: The American Psychological Association reports that approximately one-third of women are physically assaulted by an intimate partner during their adult life.

Word's recommended change: An intimate partner physically assaults the American Psychological Association reports that approximately one-third of women in their adult life.

Computers are just dumb sometimes...

I beg your return, dear friend.

2007-03-20T21:36:00.000-07:00

I experienced thunder tonight. That's right, thunder in Seattle. With all the rain we see here, very seldom do we experience thunder. I purposely write 'experience' rather than 'hear' because I think thunder is something bigger than simply a sound. It's bigger than something you hear. It's an evoker. Is evoker a word? I think it is, at least tonight.

Thunder evokes something, whether it be fear, anger, shuddering or joy. It's an evoker. Tonight, it evoked something in me. Tonight as I experienced the thunder at 9:32pm Pacific Standard Time, I thought of people. The thunder evoked faces, mental impressions of the ones that I hold dear, or wish to hold dear, and ultimately, wish to be held dear by. In the few seconds of thunder, I thought of specific faces who just might be experiencing that same thunder I was. Faces and places of those faces flashed into my mind as I wondered if as I experience the thunder and think of them, are they experiencing the thunder and thinking of me?

Did you experience the thunder?

What did it evoke in you?

When you experience the thunder, think of my face. I will be thinking of yours.

A bad thing?

2007-03-13T15:29:00.000-07:00

When I look at someone, I often wonder what their skull looks like under their skin.

Is Naming Created or the Creator?

2007-01-30T21:12:00.001-08:00

Cancer. Celebration. Hope. Dreams. Desire. Grooming. Need to be. Above. Male. Female. Honesty. Sticking it out. Adventure.

The dying of my dreams has been a slow cancer eating away. I used to want to be a veterinarian. I think I was told as a child that I could never be one because I had severe allergies. The death of a dream because of a medical condition or because of the words of another? But don't all kids want to be veterinarians? And if all the kids who want to be veterinarians actually became veterinarians, wouldn't we have a gross overpopulation of veterinarians in this world?

I drop my crumbs on the desk and sweep them to the floor to be lost in a sea of sage and avocado carpet. A fleeting thought of the person who will have to clean up after me?

I also wanted to play bass, like Mike Herrera from MxPx. I figured the bass would be an easier instrument to play, plus I wouldn't be the focal point on stage like the lead singer or the lead guitarist. These thoughts as a 6th grader. Why have I yet to play bass? Simply put, it's too hard. What if I failed? What if I couldn't play as well as someone else can? It's easier to kill a dream than suffer the pain of failure. Or is it?

Where else have I wanted to play it safe? Do I even want to go there?

At one time in my life I wanted to be a missionary in Africa. Many thought it to be a great idea, many thought it a greatly stupid idea. AIDS. Ebola. War. Genocide. It's a hard life there, you have to eat strange foods, and it's hot. It would have been a hard life, tough to raise a family overseas. Too hard. Out of Africa. Never in Africa.

More crumbs lost to the sea.

I wanted to be a youth pastor. Wow. One dream finally realized. But was it? Was it what I expected it to be? Was it what I wanted it to be? Was it...nevermind.

It was... hard, painful, mildly rewarding, greatly rewarding, greatly frustrating, fulfilling and never filled. Just like I like my donuts. As a youth pastor (the pain associated with that term...), or sometime whereabouts, under the pressure to be whatever I was expected to be, under the pressure to perform, under under under I chose to be over. Removed. Outside. Doesn't cut it, I was above. I was above, but was this really a new thing for me? Certainly not, certainly it was. Not thinking, not considering, not dreaming. Above it. So easy. So painful. Old familiar friend.

My desire for an easy life with an easy job and a pain-free existence was not fruitioning. Fruition, damn it, fruition! It was rotten, my dreams thrown out. Who is to blame? Who is not to blame? "Certainly not I" was my cry as I watched my dream die, says the poet. Could I be a poet? Who'd know it?

It was I. Is this who I was groomed to be? A hater of adventure and a lover of comfort? Who was I groomed to be? Who was I needed to be? I loved adventure at one time, and to a degree still do. Isn't this an adventure? Of sorts. I am not longer king. I once ruled a kingdom of trees, spiders, snakes, dirt and bugs. Rocks, mud, steel tracks, ditches and frogs. Even there I was brought into submission. Adventure no more. Do I still want to be an adventurer?

I'm done.

Princess Julia

2006-12-26T12:32:00.000-08:00

In the movie Ghost World, the main character Enid presents a piece of "found art" to her summer school art class. I thought (and, to a certain degree still think) this was odd, Enid was presented with an assignment and instead of creating a piece of art on her own, she found a picture in her friend's house and presented it in place of her own creation. With that in mind, I would like to present a piece of "found journal." The writing is not my own. Yesterday as my wife and I walked to the movie theater I found two pieces of paper, torn out of a journal. I present them here, in unedited form.

8/27/06
"As I begin along these pages my heart aches to run after him - Oh Lord fatigue leans on me like ~~a wedge~~ a concrete plank along my shoulders, my chest, my heart - It is only to you I need to run to - hide behind - I want him to fight for me - show any emotion he has left - even anger - and then I push him there and all he has left - all he wants to do is sleep - Did I create this? Our sin - our consequences creat ugliness - In ourselves + everything we touch - It has only been 12 days sine Maddy's death + as I looked up at him las night - The pain seared within my heart + the lump in my throat as I attempted to push all of the emotions back - But this army always outnumbers my own - and as I hear the news of Toughy's death - and the picture of grief on my parents face as they try to take the pain away - as they try to understand + comfort him + each other I am reminded of him again - and all he tried to do keep our world from unraveling - John - this name - His name means protector - but he could not protect me - Him - us - from all of the grief our situation created - He used to show up at my house every morning - with some kind of treat before he headed of to his world - so planned - so prepared + so energized - He was so happy when we first met - Lord His love reminds me so much of Yours - And as it broke into so many tiny pieces I find myself kneeling down in my grief attempting to put all of the pieces back but with each piece comes a sharp prickly corner that will not let me come to close without injuring myself. I love him - but I have to love myself enough to walk away and let you with your infinite strength and tender touch - replace the pieces with an unjagged and even more beautiful piece - Lord this is as much for him as for me - As I pray for my parents and me + John Today God is giving me the beatitudes to meditate on: Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of God, and blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted - offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life
I am under grace =)
Let me then offer myself to him in righteousness which leads to holiness -> and this to Eternal Life - Oh Lord let me live for you - a slave each day for righteousness - let me pursue you. let me call upon you when I am feeling attacked - comfort me and hold me - w Let me not ever turn away but let me grasp onto you - Feed me, fulfill me, protect me, sustain me - that your will and not my own may be done - that I might do great things to further your kingdom -
Sincerely - your daughter + beloved,
Princess Julia"

(next entry is undated, written in what appears to be a harried hand)

This is a lot more difficult than I thought - You wake up one day and - a pattern A's - the man that used to always meet you for breakfast is gone from your life - and the kitty that was once waiting for you is no longer there - Sadness - Aloneness - Do they have to equal each other? Probably not - but it feels like they do - God - Why do I want to turn to every other man in the world but you when I am alone - Am I cheap? A chance 4 cheap attention - sort of seems that way - a cigarette - a cola? I DONT WANT TO GO TO BED - Grrr - Jessi We shd work out and not eat anything all day - Jewels - we should have breakfast - stop with the cigs - and not call anyone!
AAAAAAA - THIS IS HARD!

Reason.

2006-12-25T08:44:00.000-08:00

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

Luke 2:8-14

Why I Hate Christmas, Part II

2006-12-24T05:33:00.000-08:00

Ok, so we're back. Where were we? Oh right, Christmas requests...

I think I was stuck in the mindset for so long that Christmas requested me to be a fake plastic snowman, to put on a happy face and pretend all is well when inside I wanted something else. But this is what I came to request of myself. I hated Christmas not so much because of the gathering-bouncing or the present buying, but because Christmas requests something of us that I was very comfortable running and hiding from: Christmas requests that we look at ourselves and face who we are and who we were created to be in light of the Savior coming to live among us.

Let's break for a fond Christmas remembrance from my childhood: In sixth grade I had a PE coach that I think was named Coach Moore (it's funny how all school coaches just assume 'Coach' as their first name). I'm not 100% sure his name was Coach Moore, you'd think by the end of this story that his name would be burned into my memory, yet alas, it is not. I only had him for one year (our school was notorious for going through PE coaches like Rosie goes through spiral cut hams. was that mean? sorry. back to the story. quickly.) Coach Moore was a big and burly black man with a strong, deep voice that worked well to yell at you as you ran the mile or to speak soft encouragements after the game. He used to have a saying every time someone wouldn't dress out or was goofing off too much, "I'm gonna hook ya!" (give you a 'U' or failing grade) Around Christmas time, we all gathered in the gym for the Christmas assembly. Most of the students thought of assemblies as time to goof off and get out of class, and this one was no different. Until the end. I don't remember who it was, but someone asked Coach Moore to sing a Christmas song. My understanding is that it was pretty spontaneous and he was mostly unprepared, but he took the mic and proceeded to sing what would become my favorite Christmas song, with possibly my favorite song lyrics of any song. His voice lit up the gym, shaking the rafters and seemingly moving the brick walls as he sang "Oh, Holy Night." Of course the rafters and walls didn't really shake, but the rafters and walls of my heart did. To this day when I hear that song, especially the version by the band Seven Day Jesus, my heart is stirred and I tear up as I reflect on the power and truth that was spoken that day in the gym. Thanks Coach Moore (I think...)

So back to what Christmas requests of me: It requests that I recognize what's really going on, in my relationships and in my heart. It requests that I reflect on the birth of Jesus, the Incarnation of God and what that event says about me and my fellow human beings and how I am interacting with those fellow human beings. In other words, I cannot remain neutral anymore. I think this is what clicked a few weeks ago as my wife and I fought through traffic in Alderwood. I came to the point at which I was no longer willing to go through the Christmas season not feeling anything about the birth of our Savior, about the people that surround me, and about what's going on inside. I no longer hate Christmas, this time that we set aside to recognize when that we are so important to the living God that he would meet us face to face, calling us to live in the glory we were created to live in. I feel like I'm rambling, so we'll end our time together now. But not without a word from our sponsor:

Oh holy night! The stars are brightly shining,

It is the night of the dear Savior's birth.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,

Till He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!

Oh night divine, Oh night when Christ was born;

Oh night, Oh night divine, Oh night Divine.

Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming,

With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.

So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,

Here come the wise men from Orient land.

The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger;

In all our trials born to be our friend.

He knows our need, to our weakness is no stranger,

Behold your King! Before Him lowly bend!

Behold your King, Behold your King.

Truly He taught us to love one another;

His law is love and His gospel is peace.

Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;

And in His name all oppression shall cease.

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,

Let all within us praise His holy name.

Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever,

His power and glory evermore proclaim.

Why I Hate Christmas, Part I

2006-12-23T02:47:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I've been battling over writing this post for a while now. Why you ask? (and if you didn't ask, well you should've. come on, get in the game, chief) Because I'm lazy, mostly, but also because I was afraid my words would come out less than coherent and I would be left confusing you and probably confused myself. Apologies from the onset. With this lovely and probably pointless introduction out of the way, here be the post:

I hate Christmas. Or, better put, up until a week or so ago I hated Christmas. Ok, maybe 'hate' is a strong word, how about this: I had a strong dislike and aversion toward the Christmas season until most recently. Why you ask? (and if you didn't ask, refer to mild scolding contained in introduction) For many reasons, among them being:
1) For the first 23 years of my life, Christmas decorations were a big deal in our home. I didn't care about them. Every year (well, every year since I was able to lug a plastic Frosty) I was ~~forced~~ asked to help bring everything out of storage and set it up (and there was a lot; lights, manger & faux lean-to barn, plastic people and animals, lighted stars and the like). It got old. Fast. Especially when I had already married and moved away from home and was still called back to help.
2) Family. I am a bad, bad person for the simple fact that I do not like much of my family. It's really nothing they have done to me (well, for some it is), I just find myself feeling alienated and apart from much of my family. Let me make this clear, it is not their fault. It's me. I'm the one with the problem. What that problem is, I'm not sure. I loved my family, yet found myself growing increasingly tired of bouncing from family gathering to family gathering during the holiday season. There was just so much stress involved with knowing who to get gifts for, who to not expect gifts from, and faking that I like the gift my great aunt Fanny gave me. See what I mean, it's me. I am a bad, bad person.
3) I didn't hear a whole lot about Jesus' birth, and when I did much of it felt forced or cliche or inauthentic, like we had to talk about it because it was that time of year. After the obligatory remembrances and recognitions we can put it to bed till next year. So much my focus during the holiday became on buying presents, setting up pretty lights, and spending time with people that I'd rather not. (you don't know how hard it is for me to write this because my family really is great, I love them all dearly, they're just... taxing. I love them, I really do...) In fact, I may be the problem here, too. After so many years of hearing the cliches, I became so cynical that I avoided the topic of Jesus' birth almost altogether.

So I have grown to dread the Christmas season because it requests so much from me. What I'm beginning to see is that I am growing to love the Christmas season for what it requests of me. Its requests were not exactly what I had come to see them to be, but we'll save that for the next post, you've had enough to read for right now. Rest your eyes. Curl up with a warm cup of eggnog and enjoy your family. We'll catch up later.

Horses Are Dumb

2006-12-09T00:11:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid, I remember hearing so many of my peers wanting a horse or a pony for Christmas. As an adult, I still hear it from kids, mostly from little girls who dream of riding a horse bareback down a grassy hill with the shirtless-love-of-their-life-Fabio-looking-guy riding a few strides behind her. Ok, so maybe little girls don't think so much about the Fabio guy, but roll with me.

Here's what I'm saying - horses are dumb. What good is a horse going to do for you when you're a kid? Sure you can ride it around a little, but that'll get old quick. When I was a kid, I didn't want a horse, even then I knew they were useless to me. What did I want? A polar bear.

Heck yeah, having a polar bear as a kid would rock. If you're getting beat up on the playground and all you have is a horse, what good is that to you? I guess you can ride him to safety, but what would that teach a kid about character? If your teacher gives you a bad grade, what would a kid with a horse do, have the horse poop on the teacher's desk? (actually that would be pretty cool, I had some teachers that I'd like a horse to poo on their desk...) Anyway, a kid having trouble with his math homework? Sure, horses know lots about new math...NOT!

Now a polar bear, that's an animal that can help in all these situations and more! Kid getting beaten up? Have your polar bear eat the bully. Teacher hassling you? Have your polar bear eat her. Trouble with math? Have your polar bear eat the homework, the textbook, and then the teacher if she gives you grief over it.

Polar bears are so much cooler than horses. Yeah, so much cooler.

Oh yeah, I got bit by a horse once. No, not a lab horse, a real horse in a real field with real big teeth.

It hurt. A lot. The end.

Birthday

2006-11-21T15:02:00.000-08:00

Sugarcubes
Life's Too Good (1988) (and/or) The Great Crossover Potential (1998)
Birthday

She lives in this house over there
Has her world outside it
Scrapples in the earth with her fingers and her mouth
She's five years old

Thread worms on a string
Keeps spiders in her pocket
Collects fly wings in a jar
Scrubs horse flies
And pinches them on a line
Ohhh...

She has one friend, he lives next door
They're listenening to the weather
He knows how many freckles she's got
She scratches his beard

She's painting huge books
And glues them together
They saw a big raven
It glided down the sky
She touched it
Ohh...

Today is a birthday
They're smoking cigars
He's got a chain of flowers
And sows a bird in her knickers
Ohhh...

They're smoking cigars
They lie in the bathtub
A chain of ... flowers

Drunk people...

2006-11-18T02:18:00.000-08:00

Stink. I gotta find a new job. Preferably one without drunk people.

Deus

2006-11-16T22:11:00.000-08:00

The Sugarcubes - "Deus"

(Björk)
Deus does not exit.
But if he does, he lives in
the sky above me,
In the fattest largest cloud up there.
He's whiter than white and cleaner then clean.
He
wants to reach me.

Björk)
Deus does not exist.
But if he does I always notice him.
Getting ready in his
airy room.
He's picking his gloves so gently off.
He wants to touch me.

(Björk)
I'm walking
humbly down a tiny street,
Pulling my collar it gets
bigger,

(Einar)
I once met him,
It really
surprised me,
He put me in a bath tub,
Made me squeeky
clean,
Really clean.

(Björk)
To create a
universe
You must taste
The forbidden fruit.

(Einar)
He said hi. I said hi,
I was still clean.

(Björk)
Deus does not exist,
But if he does
he'd want to get down from that cloud,
First marzipan
fingers then marble hands,
More silent than silence and
slower than slow,
Diving towards me.

My collar
is huge room for two hands,
They start at the chest and
move slowly down.

(Einar)
I thought I had seen
everything,
He wasn't white and fluffy,
He just
had side burns,
He just had side burns,
And a
quiff,
He said hi.
I said hi. I was still clean,
I was squeeky clean.
I was surprised.
Just as you
would be.

(Einar & Björk)
Deus, Deus, Deus,
Deus
(Björk)
He does not exist

( Repeat
'til the end)

Why do I always get got?

2006-11-11T03:28:00.000-08:00

Open scene: Our young man emerges from the local general store and is confronted by a woman and her teenage son. Claiming to be victims of Hurricane Katrina, they are in desperate need of $15 to buy a tire to get to Houston. The tire costs $65, they only need $15. Not having cash on hand, he wishes her well, yet says he can't help. He is moved with compassion, yet wary of her, having heard of similar circumstances leading to getting got. Falling for a scam. She persuades him, begging that he use his plastic to get only $15. Two days later, he is called by his brother, who works at a tire shop. The call revealing that this woman has been scaming people for days and has only just scammed the young man's church and pastor. Our young man feels like a fool, angered and betrayed. Close scene.

Open scene: Many months later, in a different town in a different state, our young man is presented with a man begging outside a grocery store. The man is ruddy, dirty, and asking for money. He's been seen there before. Not wanting to throw change in his face, our young man stops, inquires of the beggar his name, and chats for a short while. Upon the close of the conversation, the young man shares what little change from his pocket. Not much. He sees the beggar a few times after that, dirty and asking for money outside the grocery store. One night, weeks later, upon parking his car blocks away from his apartment, our young man spies the beggar. What is seen is not a dirty man asking for money, but a man in a nice, expensive looking Nike sweatsuit, complimented by expensive looking sneakers. The clean beggar is strolling along, singing to himself. Or is he just talking? Again, the man turns away disheartened, having gotten got. Close scene.

Open scene: A few months later, after having lived in this new town for a while, our young man is confronted by beggars almost on a daily basis. His heart goes out to them, yet he knows not who needs help and who is scamming. On top of that, he is not a man of the means and knows he cannot give to each beggar that confronts him. While replacing his windshield wipers, a woman approaches. Early thirties, dark dark skin, slightly overweight she calls out to him as she comes near. She is obviously distressed, sweating, holding out her drivers license she says she is in town from Tennessee. She has followed a man far from Tennessee, and he has beaten her. Her name is Merribelle. If only she can get to Friday, she says, she will be on a bus back home. She is hungry, looking for a meal, not money, and she is 4 months pregnant. Walking to a nearby grocery store, the beggar's grocery store, our young man proceeds to buy her a sandwich, some fruit, and a Sprite, all with his plastic. He gives her the food wishing her well, she thanks him, God blesses are exchanged, and he is back to his wipers. Warm feeling, help having been given. Close scene.

Open scene: Two weeks later, our young man finds himself in that very same grocery, buying odds and ends. From his right he hears a laugh. Instinctively he turns to the direction from which it came. Merribelle stands before him, casually hanging out with those who appear to be friends. No distress, no apparent hunger or weariness, and not in Tennessee. She is casual, enjoying herself and her friends. Our young man realizes that once again, he has gotten got. Close scene.

A Haggard Existence

2006-11-04T03:10:00.000-08:00

So most of you are probably wondering what I think about the whole Ted Haggard story, right? (of course, why wouldn't you be wondering what I think?)

I had a dream today that I think sums it up pretty well. Today I laid down at around 11am to get some sleep, (11am! Are you serious Tim? Heck yes I'm serious, I have to work tonight from 11pm to 7am, I need all the sleep I can get.) So anyway, I'm kind of in that hypnagogic state right as I'm falling asleep and I start to think about the whole Haggard deal. I find myself wanting to be angry at the man for telling people week after week about being pure and loving Jesus, yet possibly being a hypocrite the whole time. I think about seeing him on news stories in the past where he criticizes other Christians who don't believe exactly like him (the most recent story about a month ago.) I think about how he often comes off as incincere, arrogant, and fundamental.

Yet this weird dream-yet-I'm-controlling-what-I-think-and-do state finds me kneeling at steps (sort of like steps at the Lincoln Memorial, a place I've never been) at crying for him. I'm crying because if these allegations are true (which I have no opinion either way,) then I pity him for the torment of having to hide these things for the past three + years. The pain and agony he must have felt not having someone to confide in, not being able to open and honest about his struggles, feeling that there was no one to turn to. Maybe I'm projecting too much on him, maybe he didn't feel any of this and had no problem speaking out of both sides of his mouth, or maybe the allegations are completely false, I don't know.

But if they are true, even if parts of the allegations are true, which seems to be the case, I feel bad for him.

I don't really like the guy, but I pray that he finds peace and he can resolve this issue in the best possible way with the best possible outcome for all involved.

But then again, this just might be a dream after all.

My Attempt at Transparency...

2006-11-04T02:39:00.000-08:00

So I want to be transparent, but I want to guard that transparency. I want to be known, yet I don't want to reveal. I'm scared to be known because I feel that I've never been known, at least not really known. In one of my classes the other day, we had this quote from an article (sorry, didn't write down who wrote it, but it's safe to assume it's a really smart guy/gal) "...being known inside out is their most dreaded nightmare and their most fervent wish."

This just about sums up my experience so far, I'm scared to death to be known deeply, because then you have ammunition to not like me. I think back to many of the relationships I've had over the years and how I withheld parts of myself because I was afraid if someone saw too deeply they wouldn't like me. Yet how am I to have a serious, honest, real relationship (community) with someone if I'm not open and honest? Not that I have to tell my deepest, darkest secrets to everyone I meet, (Imagine, "Hi Bob, I'm Tim. I used to wet the bed when I was a kid and sometimes I lie awake in bed daydreaming about adventures I'm too scared to take in real life.)

When I'm in a relationship with someone (not a romantic relationship,) I can't help but think, "Why would this person even want to know anything about me? Why would I burden them with who I really am, let's just keep it superficial. Yet, it's my most fervent wish that I didn't have to keep me bottled up in me, that I could be real and share and be known. But who would want to know? This is why I'm convinced that I have no clue how to have an adult relationship. I've never done it before. I've sorta inched into uncomfortable territory with few in the past, but I always keep most of me hidden. I don't want to anymore, but I will. Don't worry, I will. I pray that I learn how to let others in.

Revelations

2006-09-21T03:41:00.000-07:00

I am a whore and a murderer. So goes the phrase repeated almost daily by my grad school professor. Well that's just nice for him, and on a certain level it's alright for me, but is it true? Could it really be true that I am a whore and a murderer? Had you asked me this question a month ago, I might have said, "Sure, yeah." Ask me now? I'd have to say that and a whole lot more.

A month ago I thought I had it pretty well together, pretty figured out. Oh I knew I had a lot to learn about life, God, and relating to others, but I thought I was pretty put together. So after three weeks of class, I've discovered that I am an attention whore, I'm a manipulator, I think much of this may stem from my relationship with my mother (no Freudian weirdness here people,) and I don't know how to carry on an adult relationship. Oh yeah, and I'm not really that outgoing, but I can fake it real nice.

I also don't want people to know the real me, I really don't think I know the real me for that matter. Take this blog for example. So I know at least one person reads this, and that's fine. But I don't want to broadcast it everywhere that I have a blog. Why? Because I want to be known anonymously. I want to have the freedom to post my heart and not be worried about having an awkward moment next time I see someone who read my blog and was offended.

So what should I do? Should I censor my posts and tell the world that Tim's blog lives here? Should I continue writing from the heart (as much as I can at this point in time) and tell everyone they're just out of luck on reading the blog? Or should I scrap the blog altogether?

I don't know, Tim what would you do?

Not a welcome back

2006-08-19T04:18:00.000-07:00

This isn't a welcome back as I probably won't be writing on this blog again any time soon. I'm just in a weird mood and need to write something. I'm sitting at my new job at 4:16am and there's nothing to do. So what's my new job? I'm the night front desk-man at a posh hotel for two nights a week. Tonight is my first night. Obviously since I'm new at this, there's very little I understand, which leaves me feeling like I want to run across the street, jump in my car, zoom zoom home, and never come back. I think not knowing everything about this job scares me, leaves me feeling like I'm not good enough, smart enough, or useful enough. But it's the first day, right? Yeah, but I have an uneasy feeling about this job. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's that I've never worked a grave-yard job, maybe it's because it's only two nights a week, maybe it's because it's in an unfamiliar part of the new city I've lived in for a month and a half 2700 miles from home! (I know Cara, that's a run on sentence like you've bever heard.) Maybe I'm missing my old home, my family, heck, even my wife who is (hopefully) asleep 2.35 miles away. I'm worried. I've never really been worried. Or maybe I'm not worried. Since I've never really been worried, how can I even know if what I'm feeling really is worry? For the sake of the argument, I'll just call it worry. I'm worried about starting a new school in a few weeks. I'm worried that I won't be good enough, smart enough, that I won't think the way they think and I'll be made to look like a fool. I'm afraid of not making the grade. Yeah, afraid is a good word, maybe better than worry. I'm afraid of not fitting in. The people who attend and teach at this school are thinkers on a higher plain and I'm afraid I won't fit in. I don't feel that I am an original thinker, I just process and spit out other's ideas. When I see something new and innovative, I can't help but think, "Why didn't I think of that?" I didn't think of that because I don't think on that level. Will I ever? How did I get to talking about my fears about school when I started out talking about wanting to run from my job? I guess it all boils down to one thing...and if you know what that one thing is, please let me know.

I can't help thinking I made a huge mistake

2006-03-06T09:50:00.000-08:00

For the past 23 years, I haven't involved myself in my culture. In fact, I've said for years that there is no culture here in Louisiana. Of course, I've taken bites of this culture I believed was lacking. I've gone to the Friday night football games and the crawfish boils, but I think overall I've missed out...and it's my own fault. This thought occurred to me a while back, but it slammed me in the face the other day at the Mardi Gras parade. For the past 23 years, I haven't gone to the Mardi Gras parade, at least I don't remember ever going. As I stood on the sidewalk catching beads, dodging plastic cups, and having a great time with my family I actually teared up a little bit. Luckily, I was wearing sunglasses so nobody could tell. But I realized that I haven't celebrated my life here, and soon I'll be leaving. I haven't involved myself in Mardi Gras, the parades and festivals, gone to local concerts, or celebrated the culture of Southwest La. I know I'm going to miss it when I get to Seattle, but I can only really blame myself. I'm not trying to be down on myself, but I guess it inspires me to do two things:
1) Celebrate the time I have left here (I might even go to Contraband Days)
2) Celebrate and involve myself in the new culture of Seattle when I move
Celebrate your culture, your people, your surroundings because you never know when they will be changed, people will move on, or life in general will just pass you by. I want to learn French, but who has the time...

Don't misunderstand me...

2006-03-06T09:15:00.000-08:00

Ok, here's a disclaimer about last post:
I don't want it to seem like I'm judging Ms. Hathaway, I have no ground to stand on when it comes to judging. The point of my essay was that there's something changing inside of me, not to judge or point out someone else's lifestyle choices.

I'm feeling really weird...

2006-03-03T10:05:00.001-08:00

I just watched a movie called Havoc, well, part of the movie, and I think that's got something to do with the way that I feel. I'm not quite sure what it is about the movie that's got me feeling like something is just...off. More Christianly types would say that there is a disturbance in their spirit; more Star Warsy people would say there's a disturbance in the force. Whatever, something's just not right.
Maybe it's the content of the movie: A graphic look into the lives of teenagers bored with life, trying to be something they're not and never can become, tired of despondent "latch-key parents," raised on Real Sex and MTV, raised with no inhibitions, not afraid to try any drug or any sex position with anyone, anywhere, anytime.
Maybe it's the main actress in the movie and her performance that disturbs me. Anne Hathaway. Many of you will remember Ms. Hathaway from family favorites such as Ella Enchanted, Hoodwinked, and the Princess Diaries I and II. These are family oriented, wholesome movies and Ms. Hathaway (I don't really know what to call her, so out of respect it will be Ms. Hathaway,) has built a reputation as a wholesome actress. But, I assume, as many actors/actresses who find themselves being pigeon-holed into only wholesome movies, I think Ms. Hathaway is attempting to break out into more adult roles. And why wouldn't she, right? She's 23 (just 9 days older than me) and she's an actress who needs to make a living, but she's definitely found her adult role in this movie. Ironically she finds this adult role in playing a teenager. In this film, she's topless numerous times and performs sex acts with at least two different people (remember, I only watched about 45 minutes of the film.) Her language is also very "adult" and would not get past the censors at Disney.
I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for, the fictional character of Allison or Ms. Hathaway. Allison is so bored with life and probably thinks so little of herself that she feels she has to take drugs and sleep around just to get a taste of real life. Ms. Hathaway is a beautiful young actress who, for some reason, feels it was necessary to show off her body to thousands (millions?) on the big screen. I don't understand someone's motivation to appear nude on film, and I know that Ms. Hathaway is an adult and is free to do as she pleases. She felt it was necessary to do this, and I (not wanting to project my morals onto a woman I've never met) don't know why I would expect anything different. In the movie business, you're expected to show off your body, there's almost no way around it according to some actors/actresses, but I still don't understand why someone would want to do it.
So here's my question...my uneasiness after watching this film, that sickly feeling I felt for many hours after viewing it...would I feel the same way if it hadn't been Ms. Hathaway portraying Allison and instead was a no-name actress that I had never before seen and would probably never see again? Was it the actress who fell from the pedestal of wholesome that I placed her on without her consent that gave me the uneasy feeling or was it the content of the movie itself?
And so the responsibility for the disturbance in my force falls on me. Do I enjoy nudity on film as long as it's an actress I don't care about? If it's a nameless naked girl on film, do I enjoy it more than someone I held in regard, someone that I assigned a preconceived notion of character to?
I've recently come to the realization that I don't mind nudity on film. I don't understand it, but as a male, I don't mind it. In fact, I would have to say that I look forward to it. I don't actively seek it out, renting a movie hoping that there's nudity in it and I don't watch porn, but I get excited when I see nudity on film. But after watching Ms. Hathaway's performance, I left feeling sick. WhyWhyWhy?
Why did I leave feeling sick, dirty, like I just watched my sister get raped? Maybe it's the realization that things like this portrayal goes on in the lives of real kids, maybe it's the realization that I project my morals on others, or maybe it's something else. Maybe it's that I'm starting to realize and recognize my own sin and I would feel this way no matter what actress was performing a role such as this. I'm not going to run out and get a movie with a no-name actress who is nude in it to test this theory out, but maybe there is something changing in me. Maybe some of my callousness toward my own sin is being softened away.
I started out the day feeling a sense of freedom that I haven't felt in a very long time. Maybe it's the relief of getting accepted to grad school, maybe it's the excitement of moving to a new city, or maybe my spirit is changing. I hope it's all of these things and more.

Now let's work on the cynicism I feel on Sunday mornings...

More Podcasts...

2006-02-22T08:48:00.001-08:00

I'm really surprised about some of the response that I got on my last post about podcasts (and who the responses came from!) Below you'll find a list of more of the great podcasts I listen to (and you should too.) These aren't really in any order, cause they're all great.

1) The Bleeding Purple Podcast - I meant to put this one in the last post, but got confused and ended up writing about another podcast, yet linking to the BPP (Sorry Leif!) The recent interview with Brian Mclaren was awesome, though I couldn't really get into the Showercast (I'm sure Leif appreciated that fact.) Overall it's a podcast about trying to understand faith outside of the traditional box. Plus, the guy lives near Seattle (around four months till I move there!)
2) Diggnation - Who doesn't listen to Diggnation. What? You don't? Well where have you been for the last 34 weeks? Alex and Kevin discuss the latest stories from Digg.com. It's mostly about tech stuff, but often has just really cool stories and lots of goofing off. The show isn't too long, usually around 45 min. Check out Digg.com and check out Diggnation.
3) Dirty Little Secrets with Craig Gross and Mike Foster - The official podcast of xxxchurch.com. Mike and Craig are two pastors battling porn with love. I really dig their message and the topics they discuss (not all are about porn). Apparently they record this show to be a live stream, then cut out the adverts and release it as a podcast, so it's around 45 minutes long.
4) Ebert and Roeper - Ok, so this is just an audio recording of their syndicated tv show, but I'm a movie fan and enjoy hearing about movies that will never get played in my local theater (cause they just suck.) The show is about 20 minutes long.
5) Hi My Name Is Mark - Podcast from the former Blink 182 band member. It's a music show where he plays a lot of the music he produces in addition to some really good punk/alternative/screamo/etc stuff. He recently went on like a 3 month hiatus, but he seems to be back. I haven't gotten a chance to listen to his new show, but it's probably pretty good.
6) Joe Cartoon - It's a video podcast, one of the few that I subscribe to. Joe has always produced great cartoons that you can't play in front of your momma. Just know that it's probably not "work-safe or kid-safe," if you get my drift. A Poodle Story is still my favorite.
7) KW Leslie's AudioRants - Ok, so I haven't listened to this show since last October. Why you ask? Well, it was in October that KW decided to stop doing the podcast. I encourage you to go check out the audio archived if they're still up, he had some great stuff to say about life and faith. KW, I still don't forgive you for ending the podcast =-)
8) Masters of Horror - So I love horror movies. Rarely do they scare me or disturb me, but I definitely enjoy them. That's why I was so excited that Showtime was doing a series called Masters of Horror, getting the best horror directors to do a one-hour no-holds-barred (well, Miike showed us that some holds are barred) horror show. So far, the ones I've seen have been alright (Incident on and off a mountain road was probably the best, but I haven't seen Sick Girl or Cigarette Burns yet,) but the podcast is great in that it profiles music from the soundtrack and interviews with the directors. They haven't put out a new one in a while though, I fear like many people they jumped at podcasting cause it was fresh and new and now they've gotten tired of doing it. Oh well, the stuff they've got up is pretty good.
9) Mobility Today - Formerly Dave's iPaq, now they profile a ton of mobile gadgets and handheld devices. Personally I own an Axim x30 hi, so I'm into the mobile stuff. This show can sometimes go long and sometimes they talk about stuff I just don't care about, but it's pretty good.
And finally for today:
10) Out of Fellowship - Another podcast that deals with being a Christ-follower but doing so outside the walls of a formal church. This guy knows how to make you think, his last podcast about Post-Congregational Liturgy was great. His shows don't run too long either, usually around 15 minutes, but it's great stuff. It's one of my favorites on the topic of being Christ-like but not making the church our god (others include: Bleeding Purple, Outchurched, As Evidence that I Exists [RIP], Godscrum, and Stupid Church People.) Oh yeah, nice boots.

That's all about podcasts for today, I really hope you check out and enjoy these podcasts. And no, you don't need an iPod to listen to podcasts, I listen on my Axim or on my laptop.

To any podcasters: If you happen to Technorati yourself and my lowley blog pops up and you don't agree with what I've said about your podcast (or heck, if you do agree!) let me know. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Pieces.

Amazon.com: Mega Church: Networked Special Edition (PC Game): Computer & Video Games

2006-02-15T13:27:00.000-08:00

Amazon.com: Mega Church: Networked Special Edition (PC Game): Computer & Video Games

I'm really scared this is the kind of thing that, if it really existed, would stroke the ego of many wanna-be-Bill-Hybels preachers.

It actually sounds like it'd be fun though. I'd buy it.

Welcome to my life...

2006-02-14T10:39:00.000-08:00

So what's been going on with me? I'm staying busy with my two jobs with very little free time. Well since we're on the topic of jobs...
One of my jobs (my main job? actually it's becoming less and less my main job) is that I'm the youth leader (pastor, director, journey designer...) at my church. I'm paid around 16 thou a year to do this, which I guess is alright for part-time work. I've been working at the church (I used to say "my church," but not so much anymore,) for about 4 years now and I enjoy it for the most part. I enjoy the kids, but overall I feel like a failure as a youth pastor (I'm not really a pastor either, I'm not ordained or anything.) But anyway...

This morning my boss (I used to say "my Pastor, but not so much anymore,) comes in and hands me 3 pages which start out with a nice Valentine's Day wish. He then proceeds to say, "I'm writing you today in an attempt to clarify my expectations for you as you transition from **** (church name removed to protect privacy) into the next exciting season of your life." That next season? I'm moving in 4 1/2 months to Seattle for grad school.

On the surface this seems nice, he wants to help me transition, he wants to clarify his expectations of me, he wants to give me a job description so I know what it is I'm expected to accomplish. It really seems like he cares about me, except that I don't believe it. I don't believe that he cares about me. I don't think he's cared about me for a long time. I mean I think he did at one time, but that all changed somewhere. I think he cares too much about himself and his own goings on, mainly building our church to be like one of the mega churches (ala Willow Creek or North Point.) He's a business kind of guy, he wants the biggest bang for his dollar. He doesn't really care about people, at least those are my impressions of working with him for 4 years and knowing him for 10-12 years.

My big question is...he knows that I'm leaving in 4 months, so why am I getting a job description now? He wants me to "finish well here and leave at the top of [my] game." He wants me to finish well, but I guess he didn't want me to do well the last 4 years I've been working here. Why haven't we been meeting weekly for the last 4 years? Why hasn't he taken more of an interest in the youth group in the last 4 years? Why hasn't he taken more of an interest in me in the last 4 years?

I used to want him to disciple me like he promised he would, I used to want weekly meetings, quarterly evaluations, and a clear job description, now I just don't care about it all. I just want to survive and get out, not to thrive and continue on. I guess I'm numb to his new requests and requirements on me and my schedule. I just don't care. I'm not really that mad about all of this, I just think it's dumb and I don't care.

Podcasts

2006-02-09T09:17:00.000-08:00

Ok, so here's where you get to know your lovely host just a little bit more - Today I talk about the podcasts I listen to and why.

We'll start with the best, then the rest are in no particular order:
1) The CarCast - Chris Cochran drives around Seattle and documents his life, what he sees, and what he happens to find lying in the middle of the road. Some of you know that I'm moving to Seattle this summer, so my wife and I started e-mailing Chris a while back to talk about Seattle. We struck up a friendship and when we visited Seattle last week we hung out with Chris and his family and even were guests on The CarCast (episode 100!, check it out). Definitely check it out, even if you don't care about Seattle
2) The Mungles on Movies - Husband and wife watch movies and give their reviews. It's cool cause they're regular people, not professional critics.
3) Adam Curry's Daily Source Code - It actually annoys me that I listen to this show. I generally think it's too long, Adam's very pompous, and I don't know why I listen but I do. Everyone else does...
5) American Cliche - This guy's got a great cynical outlook on life. Includes segments The Dirtbag of the Week, One Man's Opinion, and the Mighty Minute. It's only like 30 minutes long, which is great.
6) Catholic Mormon Podcast - Way too long (often 80 min), but good thoughts from a born and bred Catholic husband and a Mormon turned Catholic wife. They discuss their kids, their church, and their spiritual journeys past and prestent.
8) Fried Eggs Podcast - Kevin Firstl's life and times. He's an offshoot of the CarCast, he drives around Wichita and documents his life. Not as good as the CarCast, but still entertaining.
9) Godscrum - More thoughts about the current state of the Church and how Christians are and should be. Zeke has great and challenging thoughts. I just started listening, but I'm looking forward to more.
10) Illinoise - Just Pete and Nasa Janet do crazy music and movie reviews. They also play some really cool indie music.

10 is enough for now, I listen to a lot of podcasts, so maybe more later on...for now check these out.

Did you miss me?

2006-02-08T10:37:00.000-08:00

So, nearly 3 months without a post? What's up with that? I guess I've just been feeling uninspired. But that's going to change, I think. I just got back from Seattle where I interviewed with a grad school. I'm pumped about moving there, I can't wait. Until then, I hope to post a little more often, so stay tuned.

Below you'll find a reply I put on a friend's blog. Enjoy and please leave your thoughts.
___________________________________________________________________

You said: "With all that said, how do we incorporate this type of evangelism into our churches?"

I say let's scrap the current church model we have. Stop meeting every Sunday, maybe meet only one Sunday a month for a corporate worship service. The other Sundays (and Mondays, Tuesdays, etc.) should be spent getting in community and building relationships with others. Pastors should not be paid, but should hold secular jobs where they have interactions with non-Christians (not to convert them, but to understand them and love them as Christ did while he was on Earth.) Christians need to lessen their devotion to their specific church (little "c") and raise their devotion to being the Church (big "C"), which means they need to love God and love others. Instead of putting so much emphasis on the church service (or worship experience, corporate gathering, or whatever one likes to call it,) put emphasis on believers engaging non-believers with the intent not to convert them put to serve them and show them Christ's love the best way we can. But that's too tough for most of us...

You said: "Let's go beyond that. How do we get other believers to buy into this form of sharing Christ?"

Stop babying them and teaching them that their greatest devotion in life should be to their church. Instead of teaching them that they should love their church with their heart, soul, mind, and strength teach them to start loving God that way. Instead of asking someone how many times they've been to church in the past month, ask them how many people's worlds they've entered into. Instead of chastizing someone for missing a church service, applaud them for loving their neighbor, serving the single mother down the street, or working at a homeless mission. Too many churches today would rather raise a stink about a member missing a service (or God forbid a tithe) and not give a flying crap that that person was home taking care of a dying family member, serving them until their dying breath or that they took their tithe and bought groceries for a needing family. Requiring believers to wipe noses, wipe butts, feed, house, and give money to those who need it is how we're going to change this world...not by going to another church service about how we can fix our marriages or raise our kids better.
I don't mean to ruffle cages or rattle feathers, but something has to change with our current system.

Pat Robertson Warns Pa. Town of Disaster - Yahoo! News

2005-11-10T20:23:00.000-08:00

Pat Robertson is a moron.

My bad

2005-11-06T11:13:00.000-08:00

Sorry for my last post, I was a bit caught up in the emotion of the moment. Probably not a good idea to post something like this on the free web where my boss could actually find it and read it, right?

Sorry for anyone who was offended or hurt by what I wrote.

October is so hard for me...

2005-10-30T10:12:00.000-08:00

October is Pastor's Appreciation month. I don't know who declared this, but somehow it caught on and churches all over America (the world?) "honor" their pastors in October by buying them vacations, gift certificates for restaurants, and toys for their kids.

I never had a problem with pastor's appreciation month until I became a pastor, well, sort of a pastor. I've been a youth pastor for the past four years. I'm part-time (pay that is, not work,) non-ordained, and not educated at a Bible Institution. My first October as a youth pastor was ok, one Sunday I was presenting our pastor with his weekly gift (yeah, each Sunday in October the pastor and his family get gifts and such.) After I gave him his gift and said (and meant) a few nice things about him, some of the youth jumped up and presented me with a gift for being their youth pastor. This was unplanned by the "official" pastor's appreciation team; I guess they just forgot that I worked as a pastor too, but at least the youth remembered. The next year a similar thing happened, on a Sunday the youth unofficially gave me a gift and then gave me more gifts at our youth meeting. It was cool, totally unexpected since the church as a whole seemed to have a problem recognizing me as a pastor.

Then the hammer came down. Word got to me that the senior pastor, who I thought was a friend, didn't want me to be "honored" by the church as he was on Sunday mornings. It was also around this time that myself and my wife stopped getting invited to the Pastor/Elders dinners. Technically, we were only invited to one, but the pastor made it known to the lady putting on the dinners that I was not invited, I guess because I wasn't a real pastor. Anyway, needless to say, I was extremely upset when the pastor said he didn't want me honored. Well, as a concession, he sorta said that the youth could honor me on Wednesday nights, but not in front of the whole church.

What's up with this? I do the work of a pastor, in fact I do more work than a typical youth pastor. I also have the responsibilities of being the church custodian, unofficial secretary, web/tech guy, and forced to be a children's worker on Sunday mornings. But I can't be honored in front of the whole church? I don't care for cussing, but I just want to scream "F**K that!" I guess this all comes out of feeling dishonored and disposable by the very person who should believe in me and mentor me and want to see me succeed - my boss, my senior pastor.

Maybe I'm just jealous. Jealous that almost everyone wants to see him honored but not me. Jealous that the church pays him $72 thousand a year and all I'm worth is $16 thousand. Angry that the church (or is it just the pastor?) refuses to bring me on full time (again, pay, not work-load.) In fact, the pastor made it known that I would need to take on more responsibility to get brought on full time. I'm angry that nobody in the church seems to know how big the ego is of their pastor, how they think he's the greatest thing since 1927 and they're blind to his shortcomings.

Maybe October is hard because of me. Maybe it's all me and my jealousy and my anger. I'm told not all churches are like this. I hope that's true. In Seattle I hope to find one that is different.

If you attend church, which I do recommend, be informed about the politics of the pastor. Know how big his ego is and whether or not he will share the spotlight.

Church shouldn't be like this. Don't let it be like this.

Four Things I Learned During Hurricane Rita

2005-10-23T09:55:00.000-07:00

So, for those who don't know, Hurricane Rita hit the city that I live in and caused mass destruction. It's really made me think about a lot of things, most of them having to do with God and the church. Here's an abreviated version of four things I learned during this whole hurricane experience:
1. A church is not a church unless it serves others (members and non-members)

By church, I don’t mean the actual church building, I mean the people who make up the church.
Church has become something you do, not something you are. Back in the days of Jesus and Paul, they thought of the church more organically. The church to them was alive, moving, breathing yet today it’s become a place to go hang out and look pretty for a couple hours a week.
In 1 Corinthians 12:25-27 Paul viewed the church as a living body, moving, breathing, working.
If a body is without motion it becomes useless. Muscles deteriorate, bones get weak, and stomachs get bigger.
Too many churches today are couch potato churches, not moving, not working, and not serving and I think they’re massively off course. To be a Christ-Follower is to serve.

2. Church members should be warm and accepting to visitors and members alike
This should be a no-brainer, but people go to places where they feel accepted. If a person visits a church where nobody talks to them, they’re looked at like monkeys in a cage, or they’re looked down upon they’re not going to stick around.
I'm tired of churches who are so inward minded that they don't notice the hurting, love-starved people who visit on Sunday mornings. I have heard people talk about these kinds of churches, but had never experienced one until recently and it hurt.
Church members should reach across racial, gender, and age boundaries and love one another. They should love people as if their lives depended on it, as if they had a chance to be the only smiling face, the only warm hug, the only accepting human contact a visitor will ever experience.
Church members: Get your head out of your own butt and love people

3. It’s easy to say, “My stuff is just my stuff, if I were to lose it all today I’d be fine because I’d still have my life and my family,” until you’re faced with losing it all

I don’t have a lot of super nice things, but the things I do have I really like. I really like my computers, my stereo, my tv, my clothes, my car.
I didn’t really realize how much I liked them till the Thursday we evacuated. As I saw everyone in my city scrambling around to get out of town and I was packing up the essentials, it hit me: All my stuff could be gone when I get back.
This thought crushed me, so all that morning God and I wrestled. Somewhere in that wrestling it hit me: My stuff is way too important to me. In fact, I would venture to say that I wanted my stuff more than I wanted God.
And this was tough for me to deal with, I’ve been a Christian most of my life, I’m a freakin’ youth pastor, I go to church numerous times a week, how could my stuff be more important to me than God?
It’s kind of like the story of the rich young ruler talked about in three different books of the Bible: the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke.
This guy comes to Jesus and says, “What do I have to do to get into Heaven,” and Jesus starts quoting the Ten Commandments.
This rich guy says, “That’s it? I’ve already done all of that, are you sure there isn’t anything more I can do?”
Jesus says, “Sure, if you want to do more you need to sell all of your stuff, and you’ve got a lot (maybe Jesus saw his DVD screen headrests on the back of his camel) and give the money to the poor. Then come follow me.”
And the guy went away sad because he valued his stuff more than he valued Jesus.
I don’t want to fall into the trap of valuing my stuff more than I value discovering who Jesus is through relationship with him. It’s tough and it’s a struggle, but life is too short to miss out on the journey of exploring the love and salvation of Jesus in exchange for a new Xbox or a car.

4. God is in control, but he chose not to keep the hurricane away

This is something I’ve been trying to understand for some time.
We hear this a lot, that “God is in control.” Many of the churches in our area, the few who still have church signs, have "God is in control" on their sign. When bad stuff happens, sometimes people say, “It’s ok, God is in control.”
Maybe I’m the only one in the universe who has ever thought this, but if God is in control, then why did Hurricanes Katrina and Rita happen? Why was my home fine and my parents’ destroyed? Why didn't he do more to stop it or at least make it a little better?
If God is controlling things, then why does bad stuff happen?
I don’t have a clear-cut answer.
When we say “God is in control,” we often think of God as controlling things like a chess player looking over the board – nothing happens without the chess master making it happen.
But I think if we think of God this way, we really distort his character.
Instead of thinking of God as a chess master or a mechanical operator turning levers and pressing buttons to get desired results, I think a better analogy would be a parent raising a child. (thanks Brian Mclaren)
In fact God is called our “Father” in the Bible.
If a parent raises up a child, teaches them well, loves them, and sets them on a good path for living, then that kid goes and robs a bank, we don’t blame the parents.
So here’s the connection: God created this awesome world yet there is death, disaster, and destruction.
The conclusion that I have to come to is that God created this world, he loves it and the people in it, and for some reason well beyond my understanding, he chooses to limit how much he interferes in it.
I have to trust that when God does interfere and when he doesn’t, he knows best.
I also have to realize that I’m not as smart as God, I don’t know the big picture but God does and God knows.

And that's where I'll leave it for now.

I wrote this before the storm...

2005-09-25T20:11:00.000-07:00

Hopefully you can get something from it.

A while back I was sitting with a friend outside a large church. We were in front of the fountain, taking in the Texas heat and talking about God. Somehow the conversation turned to how some Christians talk bad about other Christians. We brainstormed many reasons for this: ignorance, jealousy, fear, false feelings of superiority ("Our brand of Christianity is the brand, all others have it wrong,) and many many others.

The impetus of our conversation was a protestor outside of the church. He was protesting the church we were at because of their worship and service style. He felt, with great passion and vigor, that this church was nothing short of heretical (although he later admitted he had never attended a service at the church but had seen it on TV a few times, but that's another story.)

In front of us, carved into the fountain was the verse from John 4 where Jesus is at Jacob's Well speaking with a Samaritan woman. Many things can be gleaned from this story, but Jesus makes a statement that can radically transform the way we think about church and Christ himself. He says, "Anyone who drinks the water I give will never thirst--not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life."

Pardon the pun, but let that soak in. Go ahead, read it again, drink it in.

Here is, to the best of my recollection, what I said to my friend" Think about the ways we drink water. We drink it out of bottles (flavored, caffeinated, sparkling, and purified), hoses, water fountains and rivers. Out of faucets, while we swim, while we shower. Do you remember being a kid and standing out in the rain, face turned up to the sky, mouth as wide open as it could be, drinking in the water from heaven. (I used to love doing this, that is, until my older cousin told me about acid rain and that my throat was going to melt from it.)

The point is, we receive our liquid refreshment in many different forms. Why then do we feel we have the right to criticize our fellow our fellow Christian brothers and sisters (yeah, brothers and sisters) about the way they drink in the Savior?

Think of the many ways we can drink in the fountain of the Christ: Meditation, prayer, scripture reading, feeding the poor, singing, writing, painting praise, bathing in a mountain stream, ushering a wayward turtle off of a busy highway, admiring a sunset, playing a rock guitar, playing a solemn organ, making love with your spouse, hymns, choruses, King James and the Message, the list goes on and on.

Who am I to put Christ in a box and say that we can only worship him with hymns in a suit and tie? Or singing modern worship in board shorts and sandals? What right do I have to criticize someone's worship service or church style?

We all drink from the fountain of Christ in our own, special, unique way because God created us as special, unique beings. What we need is respect and reverence when it comes to drinking Christ, not rules and legalistic regulations.

Battered, bruised, and broken down

2005-09-25T20:07:00.000-07:00

Still have no clue if my house is ok, many of my friends' houses are ok from Hurricane Rita. Don't give up hope.

These guys are awesome

2005-09-07T07:20:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the Prairie View Christian Church Thanks to the Prairie View Christian Church, Indiana, their Home School families, and all in that community for their generosity to the people of south Louisiana. Six people in two vehicles drove straight through to the Moss Bluff Community Hurricane Relief Center to deliver food, supplies, and other needs to this outpost for the evacuees.
Even more, they brought a house with them, a pop up camper. A special thanks to Marvin, Laurel, Alex, Leah, Paul and Nancy for making this long haul. May your church families and your whole community be blessed in the manner in which you have given, may you be blessed in a measure that is ‘shaken together, pressed down and, running over’ as God promises in His word”. THANK YOU, and may God bless you ever so richly that you can give to every good work.

Check out www.mbdr.org for more announcments and current needs.
I hope to soon get all my thoughts on this whole Hurricane thing on the web soon.

I need to engage my brain

2005-08-20T16:36:00.000-07:00

It's been a while, hasn't it? I've been semi-purposely avoiding my blog because I didn't want to engage my brain. I want so much to write something profound, something new, something different, but it takes a lot. I actually have to think!

So here's what's been going on in my life thus far...
The KJV conversation has dried up. If you haven't been reading, I was discussing through e-mail whether or not the KJV was the one true bible with a person who held this position. He presented me with a lot of evidence backing up his position, but in the end I don't buy it. I think the word of God is inspired and divine, but not above being restated in understandable language. I understand his argument that in the newer translations, there are things missing from the KJV and things added. I also understand the scripture that says not to add or take away from the word of God to mean not the bible, but the will and desire of God. In other words, don't twist his will and desire and claim that they're God's (i.e. Waco, Tx -early '90's). I believe that the new translations are not false and do contain the truths of God, and that's where I'm leaving it for now. As for "Brother Eric," I didn't change his mind and I didn't want to. Whatever he believes is fine with me, I just don't agree. I think he puts too much faith in the bible and not enough faith in the will and desire of God. In the end, it's not worth arguing over, and I feel that he wanted to take the conversation that route.

What's ahead for my future? I don't know, I thought I had it pretty settled but now I don't think it's so settled. In December, I graduate with a batchelor's in Psychology. My plan was to avoid graduate school at all costs and continue in my current position as youth director at a local church. Thigs don't seem to be gravitating in that direction. It seems that my pastor, who really is a nice guy when you get down to it, isn't satisfied with me. I think he feels I should have more responsibilities before he will pay me for the full time work I've been doing (for the last three years I've been "part time" pay with full time hours.) I was originally hired to lead the youth, but since have become youth leader, secretary, computer guru, children's ministry teacher, and personal assitant to the pastor...all for part time pay. I don't mean to make our pastor out ot be a bad guy, he's just got a business sense and wants to get the biggest bang for his buck, which I would say he's making out like a bandit. He doesn't want to pay me for just doing the youth, he wants me to be in charge of numerous ministries before he'll bring me on full time, which isn't cool for me.
So now I'm thinking of going off to graduate school. I could stay at the college I'm at now and do graduate work, but I also have a really good opportunity to pursue a degree from Mars Hill Graduate School in Seattle. Wow. Seattle. I could write for days on this, but it's weird because I never wanted to move away from where I live now. I've lived here all my life, grew up here and love the place (well, most of the time.) Then to move 3000 miles away? It's something I'm wrestling with, so if you would, say a quick prayer for me. My wife's on board, it's just going to be tough. That is, if I get accepted to Mars Hill. It seems to be a great school, not too big. Plus, Brian Mclaren (author of the New Kind of Christian trilogy) is a professor @ MH. I'm a big fan of his and his writtings have really challenged me and pushed my thinking.

But anyway, that's where I'm at right now. Hopefully I'll get to write more often. My last semester begins in two days...so here we go.

KJV

2005-07-19T14:28:00.000-07:00

The latest from Eric:
Good to here from you. A Couple of things. First There were Homosexuals that was on the NIV Committe and I do believe that God will not honor those in Sin. God Hates SIN but loves the Person. As you quoted scripture that God Loves All. But let me tell you my Brother He HATES Sin. God is a Loving God but he will not allow sin. AMEN!
Let me ask you this From what Line of Greek and Hebrew are you taking your quotes from. Just like French in Louisiana there is the Cajun French and there is the French from France. They may sound the same but have a little bit different meaning....
I will be tied up for a while as we get together a Benefit Concert for the ABC Crises Center. Stay in touch and if God has laid on your Heart to read from the NIV then by all means read from it. As I said before it took me a couple of months before the Holy Spirit of God moved me on to the KJV. He may do that to you or He may not. Just dont let Satan have his Victory.
Lets Tell Everyone the LOVE of Jesus Christ..................
In His Service,
Brother Eric
__________________________________________________
My reply:
Hey, I'm checking the original Greek and Hebrew from Strong's Dictionary of the King James Bible.
Good luck with the Benefit for ABC. I have a friend who spoke at their annual dinner last year I think.
Have Fun.
__________________________________________________

Short, yes. I think he's using it as a way to avoid my questions. I hate to think like that, but those are the vibes I'm getting.

P.S. I guess now is as good a time as any to say that my real name isn't Scotty. So why do I post as Scotty? Same reason people ghostwrite novels, which is...uh...does anyone know why people ghostwrite novels?

My latest KJV reply

2005-07-19T08:28:00.000-07:00

Hey Eric, how's your day going? I hope your week has started off well.
Jumping right in, we don't disagree on relying on the Holy Spirit and studying the scriptures. I fully believe and support that and try to live that out. I don't really see the problem with men interpreting the Bible and us learning from them. Isn't that one of the reasons we go to church? For the pastor to share the word of God and what it means to our lives?
I do, however, understand that man's interpretations are potentially fallible. That's when we have to rely on the desire, intent, and wisdom of the Holy Spirit. I trust that while I am reading the NIV that the Holy Spirit will guide me and show me what it wants to show me whether or not it it written using the same verbiage as the KJV. I do the same when I read the KJV, I trust the Spirit to show me what God intends for me to see.
Here's a quote of yours that troubles me: "You see the NIV Translations committy consisted of Lesbians and other liberals, I believe that Gail R. pointed that out in her video. I hope you caught that."
I did catch that in the video and it troubled me then and still does. Before I go too deep, I must say that I believe homosexuality is a sin. I don't think it's a healthy lifestyle physically or spiritually. But I do take issue with you implying that because a person is a homosexual or a liberal they are disqualified from the word of God. I don't believe that homosexual or liberal people are evil and I don't believe they should be excluded from participating in the word of God.
2Corinthians 5:15 And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
In my understanding of these verses, God loved the entire world and Jesus died for all men. Not for God so loved the world, except for homosexuals and liberals. Or that Christ died for KJV believing conservatives only. Do you see where we run into problems when we place standards on who is and who is not qualified to participate in the reading and translating of scripture? Who is good enough to translate? Who is good enough that Christ didn't have to die for them? None of us, right?
I'm sure you're probably thinking about 2Corinthians 5:17 and that anyone in Christ is a new creation, so homosexuals should not be homosexuals after they come to Christ. I agree, this does happen, but for the woman Gail spoke of, maybe she has not allowed God to work that out of her life. Maybe she hasn't reached that point in her faith journey. My prayer is that she does/has, but I would think the only qualification to translate the bible would be someone with a living, growing relationship with Christ and is knowledgeable on the original languages.
It's also interesting to me that while there was a homosexual on the translation team, in I Corinthians 6:9 the NIV still says that homosexuality is wrong.
By your quote on liberals and homosexuals, you seem to imply that liberals would seek to water down or pervert the word of God. Is this what you meant? As I said in a previous e-mail, the original KJV bible was translated by men, probably conservative men. Couldn't they have put their own conservative spin on the interpretations and translations? (I appreciate the web site you sent me on the translators of the KJV, I hope to read it soon.)
I hope I'm making sense, I think that liberals could put their spin on the interpretation of scripture just as conservatives can. What we as readers of the word should do it pray and seek God's will and God's wisdom as we seek to do his work.
I'd like to hear your thoughts on this, but now back to the Bible translations:
KJV Isaiah 14: 12 "How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!"
NIV Isaiah 14: 12 " How you have fallen from heaven, O morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations!
I agree, on the surface it does appear that they have changed the meaning from Satan to Jesus, but going to the original Hebrew, the word for Lucifer is heylel, which means: (in the sense of brightness); the morning star: - lucifer.
By going back to the original Hebrew, we see morning star is one word, which also means Lucifer. Thus, I understand the NIV using the phrase morning star for Lucifer. It's also interesting to note that in Revelations, they refer to Jesus as the Morning Star. Note the capital M and capital S, as if it where a proper name. In Isaiah, morning star is not capitalized, so it is not the same meaning. It's similar to the difference between candy and Candy, one is something you eat and the other is a person. Your thoughts?
I don't think I remember you addressing my idea that the Holy Spirit will translate the word to me through the NIV just as it will to you through the KJV. Do you think it's possible for the Holy Spirit to do this?
Also, do you know anything about the KJV Bible being translated into King's English to keep it from common people? This is something I've been told, but you probably know better than I do. I know I probably seem to be challenging your beliefs and positions and I'm really not trying to. I think Proverbs 27:17 is coming into play (Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.) Our discussions have challenged me, and I appreciate you dialoging with me. I just want to make it clear, I'm not trying to convert you or pull you away from your beliefs, just trying to journey into my own.
In Christ's love.
________________________________________________
And his reply

Good to here from you. A Couple of things. First There were Homosexuals that was on the NIV Committe and I do believe that God will not honor those in Sin. God Hates SIN but loves the Person. As you quoted scripture that God Loves All. But let me tell you my Brother He HATES Sin. God is a Loving God but he will not allow sin. AMEN!
Let me ask you this From what Line of Greek and Hebrew are you taking your quotes from. Just like French in Louisiana there is the Cajun French and there is the French from France. They may sound the same but have a little bit different meaning....
I will be tied up for a while as we get together a Benefit Concert for the ABC Crises Center. Stay in touch and if God has laid on your Heart to read from the NIV then by all means read from it. As I said before it took me a couple of months before the Holy Spirit of God moved me on to the KJV. He may do that to you or He may not. Just dont let Satan have his Victory.
Lets Tell Everyone the LOVE of Jesus Christ..................
In His Service,
Brother Eric
_______________________________________________
Is it just me or does it seem like he's dodging my questions? I also don't think he's reading my e-mails too carefully, I never contradicted him on the fact that there was a homosexual on the NIV committee (he keeps implying that there were many.)

If you're a homosexual and you're reading this, please don't get distracted by his bigotry. Jesus loves you just as you are and so do I. Much love.

QuizFarm.com :: What's your theological worldview?

2005-07-18T08:34:00.000-07:00

I hope this is a good thing...

QuizFarm.com :: What's your theological worldview?:
You scored as Emergent/Postmodern.
You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.

Emergent/Postmodern 78%
Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 64%
(and other worldviews that got lost in translation)

Boogie Nights

2005-07-15T11:20:00.000-07:00

So...I just watched Boogie Nights. Yeah, I know, I can't really tell anyone about it. I was really surprised by it. I'm kind of a movie buff, and I like movies that cause controversy so I had to see it. I remember how much buzz it created when it first came out but never got the chance to see it.

So here's what struck me about the movie: (may contain spoilers)
1) The reality of it. I would expect a movie from Hollywood about the porn industry to be all glamour and glitz, the porn industry is great, no body gets hurt, it's just all great. What I found was a different message, a message that porn really can destroy your life. It's not all parties and naked people. There's pain, there's loneliness, there's some heavy situations that come with the territory. The lives of the main characters where massively negatively impacted by the choices they made. It reminds me of the verse in Galatians 5: 19It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; 20trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; 21the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on. This isn't the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom.

2) God reminded me of his overwhelming love for hurting people throughout the film. The girl whose classmate recognizes her in the limo and reminds her that her name is Brandy, not RollerGirl. Dirk as he's being beat up in the parking lot. Jessie (I think that's her name) and Buck with their child. Even the Colonel as he was abused in jail God still has this passionate, crazy, unexplainable love for him and for all of the characters. When we're at the bottom of the bottom of our lives, when we're in the middle of our sinful existance God's supernatural love claws through all of that like children digging through hay looking for coins. It's as if we're coins hidden in a field of hay, mud, and cow crap. But God sent Jesus to wade through all of that to rescue us. No matter how much mud and cow crap we pile on ourselves, Christ can and does find us.

3) We should strive to make wise decisions at every turn of our life. A lot of the characters in the movie made poor decisions that led them to some pretty sorry circumstances. I guess that's why it's so important to try to make the wise decisions. What would have happened if RollerGirl would have stayed in school? What would have happened if Dirk would have gotten a job closer to home? I guess everything turned out ok in the end, but they could have saved themselves a lot of pain and heartache if they would have asked themselves if they were putting themselves in wise places.

I was kind of saddened (not surprised) that in the end they all seemed to find redemption and salvation in the very place where they started, the place that set them on the path of pain and heartache. I guess I couldn't have expected a more positive message, but it would have been nice.

KJV Reply

2005-07-13T12:14:00.000-07:00

Here's Eric's reply to my last KJV e-mail. I don't have a reply to him yet, I'll post it when I do.
_________________________________________________
Let me make a few points to your comments.
Your Quote: If an uneducated person were to try to read Job 38 in KJV (and they were not accustomed to listening to the Holy Spirit), they may miss out on the majesty of God when they get hung up on not knowing what a mazzaroth is. But if they were to pick up an NIV Bible, they would see that God is talking about how he made the planets and the constellations.
My Opinion: God said in his word to study:
2Ti 2:15 "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth."
(KJV)
We have to rely on the Holy Spirit and we are to study the scriptures. We cant let mans interpertation feed us. You see the NIV Translations committy consisted of Lesbians and other liberals, I believe that Gail R. pointed that out in her video. I hope you caught that.
If you look at the brosures that I sent you they will point out many words that have been left out and changed. Remember what Gods word says in Revelation 22: 18-19
Revelation 22:18 For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book:
Revelation 22:19 And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.
If you have not caught this scripture from the video or the brosures then take a look at this.
NIV Revelation 22:16 "I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you[a] this testimony for the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star."
KJV Revelation 22: 16 "I Jesus have sent mine angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the root and the offspring of David, and the bright and morning star."
Morning Star: This is Jesus Right ? Of course it is. I beleive that You and I can agree with that. I hope. Lets looks at Isaiah .
KJV Isaiah 14: 12 "How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!"
I want you to note something...... This verse is speaking of Lucifer and not Jesus as the Bright and Morning Star. It says that Lucifer is the son of the morning, NOT the Bright and Morning Star as we will see what the NIV says.
NIV Isaiah 14: 12 " How you have fallen from heaven, O morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations!
Here is one word that was added STAR. Which totally changes the scriptures.
The NIV is taking out Lucifer and replacing the Word with Jesus (Jesus is referred to the Morning Star). NIV is saying that Jesus has fallen from Heaven, Second part of the NIV says what? Morning Star, which is referring to Jesus. This is totally taking out of context when the NIV has removed Lucifer and has replaced it with Jesus. The text is talking about Lucifer and not Jesus. Boy! Did Satan have his way on that one.
Now tell me this what if a new believer was reading this one and new already that Jesus was the Morning Star. What would they think?
There are so many Scriptures that have been removed and OMITTED out of the NIV, especially when it comes to Salvation. Salvation is by Faith and not of works. NIV in the book of Acts takes out believe and omitts it and allows water baptism to take its place. This is also in that brosure I sent you. Now if someone was reading that they would assume that all they have to do is go and be baptised. They will be depending totally on water baptism and not the Grace of our LORD and Savior Jesus Christ.
This is why it is important to seek the True Word of God and to Study as Timothy put it. Remember that in the Book of Revelation
Revelation 22:18 For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book:
Revelation 22:19 And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.
This has been a Blessing for me to share the strong Holds that I have towards Gods Word and I pray that you will stand on your convictions as well. We do not have to debate about this issue but we do have to agree that JESUS CHRIST is the Only way to Heaven !! AMEN AMEN....
I was once in your shoes and as time and convictions setteled in my Heart God revealed to me the Truth. I hope he will do the same for you.
As I mentioned before I have Books, Notes, and Liturature backing the King James Version view or you may go to our website under the Bible Links and see and study for yourself. I am glad to see that you are wanting to understand Truth. I pray for your studies. Let me know if you would be interested in Bible College. I know of a Good one in the area and it is not expensive. It is a 3 year course and it is an indept study of Gods Word.
Your Brother in Christ,
Eric
_____________________________________________________
P.S. Right now I'm listening to the cd "Films About Ghosts" by Counting Crows, man what a great cd!

Dialog over KJV only

2005-07-12T13:55:00.000-07:00

If you haven't been paying attention (tsk tsk!), I've kind of been wrestling with understanding why some people believe that the King James Version is the only Bible. I've been e-mailing back and forth with a guy (who believe KJV is the only Bible) over the issue and keeping you fine folks updated. He sent me a packet of information on why other translations are faulty and a DVD (2 1/2 hours long!) of a lady giving her opinions on the matter. It was all very interesting and I'm appreciative for it. Here's the latest exchange:
__________________________________________
His message to me after I sent him a message telling him I only watched part of the video and didn't agree with everything in it:

Let me know what you disagree with. Sometimes we disagree with things in Life because it was the way we were brought up and taught. As the Word of God says to STUDY.
2Ti 2:15 Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.(KJV)
I am glad you find an interest in Bible Translations. I have so much more documentation to Back up the KJV if you need it.
God Bless,
Brother Eric
___________________________________________

My reply:

Hey Eric, sorry it's taken me so long to get back with you.
I disagree with some of the things the lady in the video said such as:
1) I think the Bible Code she spoke of is ludicrous. (she said that by studying the original Hebrew text experts have found names of people and their birth/death dates. She said this may prove that the Bible is the Lamb's Book of Life spoken of in Revelation.)
2) Isaiah 44:5 One shall say, I am the LORD'S; and another shall call himself by the name of Jacob; and another shall subscribe with his hand unto the LORD, and surname himself by the name of Israel. She said that some translations replace the word "subscribe" with tattoo and that this is wrong because subscribe simply means they will raise their hand and say that they are God's. But when I look at the Strong's Hebrew Dictionary, it says "kâthab - A primitive root; to grave; by implication to write (describe, inscribe, prescribe, subscribe). She is supposed to be a Bible expert, but nowhere in the original Hebrew does it say anything about raising a hand but it does say write with his hand.
3) I didn't write down all the specific cases, but she gave examples of how meanings of words and even words themselves where changed in the NIV, but when I looked in my NIV Bible, it used the same word as the KJV
I don't think there is anything wrong with using the King James Version, personally I use it when I want to see how something is differently worded when I do personal study. I'm fine with using the King James, but it's not the primary interpretation I use, I use many (NIV, NLT, MSG).
Through my study of Bible versions (of which you have been incredibly helpful and I offer many thanks), I was seeking to understand why some believe the KJV to be the only Bible. As I said, you've helped me quite a bit to understand this and I fully understand and respect your convictions.
I still wrestle with taking a KJV only approach. Here are my hang-ups:
1) KJV was translated by monks from the original Greek and Hebrew. It was translated by men, in much similarity to the NIV, NLT, etc. being translated by men.
2) I trust the Holy Spirit to interpret and help me understand scripture no matter what version I'm reading. I still feel that I would be limiting the Holy Spirit by saying it can only interpret the KJV Bible, not another translation.
3) My understanding (and I am open to being wrong in this) is that the KJV bible was originally translated in King's English to keep it out of the hands of the common people (as common people didn't speak King's English.) This allowed church leaders to keep scripture from the people, thus controlling the people. As King's English has since passed, many common people still have trouble understanding words such as "thou, forthwith, abject, murrain, mazzaroth, surfeiting, and cote." If an uneducated person were to try to read Job 38 in KJV (and they were not accustomed to listening to the Holy Spirit), they may miss out on the majesty of God when they get hung up on not knowing what a mazzaroth is. But if they were to pick up an NIV Bible, they would see that God is talking about how he made the planets and the constellations.
I guess those are the majors, I'd like to hear your thoughts.
Even though we may disagree on KJV only, we will share Heaven and I look forward to that.
Thank you for your help and I welcome further thoughts and dialog.

Girls want to smell like fruits and vegetables

2005-07-07T13:38:00.000-07:00

I had this thought while I was in the shower. I'm married and my wife has no less than 8 different "flavors" of body washes, soaps, body lotions and fragrances. Ok, yeah, I like using the lotions for my soft hands and feet (a man should never skimp on the foot love!)

These fragrances are based on fruit and vegetable scents, which is nice, but isn't that kind of weird? We people want to smell like black raspberry, country apple, apple-vanilla, lemon-verbena (what's a verbena?), cucumber-melon, coconut-lime, sage, cotton, juniper, mango, plumeria, rice-flower, tea-ginger (these are just a few of the flavors available!)

So I started thinking...why? I guess it's the kid in me, but I think why do we want to put something on our body (lotion, soap, perfume, etc.) to make us smell better? And the answer hit me right in the face with my armpit...we stink. Humans just smell bad. So I can't help thinking, is this a product of the fall? Before Adam and Eve lunched on the fruit tree (I guess we can't stay away from fruit, see above list) did they stink? Did Adam suffer from B.O.? Did Eve have feminine odor? Did they fart, did they sweat, did they have bad breath?

I'd like to think no, I'd like to think that their breath smelled like citrus, their bodies smelled like cucumber-melon or plumeria, and their personal areas smelled like a spring morning. But it all changed when sin entered the picture, and now a consequence of our sin is that we will sweat and stink and forever battle to cover that up.

Maybe every day we put on perfume, every day we wash with lemon-verbena soap and brush with cinnamon toothpaste we're searching for a sort-of physical forgiveness. We're looking to redeem our body odor with something better, something sweeter, something more perfect than us. All the while it's just an outward expression of the cry of our soul. On a physical level every day we wash with soap but on a spiritual level there is a soap to wash our soul.

That soap is in the form not of fruit juice or crushed herb, but in the form of blood. Our dirty, putrid, black souls are washed white by way of red. When we wash our souls in red, we no longer have to search for something more perfect to make us acceptable. We've already found it and in finding it our souls become sweet smelling eternally.

Because of Christ, we give off a sweet scent rising to God, which is recognized by those on the way of salvation--an aroma redolent with life.
2 Corinthians 2:15 (The Message)

Cornerstone Festival 2005 Podcast

2005-07-05T10:51:00.000-07:00

Cornerstone Festival 2005 Podcast

Not all of us have the opportunity to go to Cornerstone, but all of us can download the podcasts!

Another KJV e-mail

2005-06-30T09:21:00.000-07:00

Scotty, I do not limit the Holy Spirit, It was the Holy Spirit that convicted me and the Holy Spirit drew me to Jesus and yes I was reading an NIV at the Time. But through my conversion, I studied different translations and I seen that some of the most important words of God was left out and words were changed to mean something else.

You see my friend the Devil has his hands in alot of things and it is sad to say that he has tampered with the Word of God (NIV, Message, NKJV, NASV, etc.) You see Satan cant tamper with the True Word of God because God is powerful and God said that He preserved his word.

Do You believe that? So if there is a flaw in the translations then that must mean that it is not pure. So what are we to do? Just like False Prophets we are to have nothing to do with it. If its nots God's Word then we are to take careful precautions.

The DVD is on its way as well as some information. I have tons of information on this issue. But most of all the video will probably answer your questions.......

Scotty, Dont take this that I am trying to change your mind on which Bible to read from. I will be praying for you that The Holy Spirit of God will show you truth. Remember, Let God do the changing and not Me !!

His Feet Outreach Ministries
Brother Eric
___________________________________________________

My thing is...how do we know that the KJV is the absolute word of God, it was translated by men from the original language 400 years ago. I would think that now we have a better understanding of the old languages so we could better translate it. Also, I think changing the verse "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (KJV) to "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." (NLT) [John 3:16] still maintains the general principle that God wants us to understand and embrace.

King James Only?

2005-06-29T09:09:00.000-07:00

I'm on a quest to understand why some people believe that the KJV of the Bible is the only true Bible. Growing up, my parents primarily used KJVm but I was encouraged to use other translations that help us better understand the words of God. I've used numerous translations ever since (and even used different translations when I teach, the Message and the New Living Testament are my favorites.) Below you'll find some e-mails sent from me to a local church that is KJV only. Enjoy. (My e-mails in
blue)
_________________________________________________
Hi, I was wondering if you could help me out with my journey. I've been pondering in my head for quite some time now about churches that only use the King James Bible (1611) and churches that use other translations.
Could you help explain why you believe that the KJV is the only true bible? (I'm gathering this from what I read on your web site.) What are the major problems with using other translations?
Thanks for your help
__________________________________________________
Thanks for your concern on which Bible Translations should be read. My personal convictions was to read from the KJV, Although some churches have not yet studied which is the right version. You see my friend that more and more people today (Christians) are looking for a man to explain Gods word and not allowing the Holy Ghost of God to give them that Word. This is why more and more translations are being printed to make it EASY to understand.We have forgotten that the Born Again Believer has the Holy Ghost of God living inside of us. The Holy Ghost of God will Help you to Understand Gods Word and not a Man made Translation. (By the way that puts a Copy Right on THEIR Work). King James is the only one that does not have a Copy Rights (Go figure that One!).
Please give me your mailing address and I will mail you a DVD on Bible Translations and some information as well. The best thing to do is Find you a King James, Bible Believing Church and get rooted with that Fellowship.
Are you attending a church now?
Is the Word Of God Being Preached and Not Tradition or what the Religion Believes?
Continue to read on some of those sites that we have. Please keep in mind some of that stuff I dont quit agree with but the overall things are great.
I do not Judge No One if they read other translations but I do pray that they will one day see like I did.
God Bless you my Friend and I pray that you find Truth from the Word of God.
In His Service,
His Feet Outreach Ministries
_________________________________________________
Thanks for getting back to me so quickly. I understand what you're saying about the Holy Ghost allowing us to understand, I think too many Christians just don't listen to the Holy Ghost or think of it as the lesser of the trinity. Pity.
I can't help thinking that maybe by discounting other translations, we are limiting the Holy Ghost. I mean no disrespect and I'm still trying to process this all out in my head, but can't the Holy Ghost give us understanding through the NIV or the Message Bible? I'm not trying to debate the issue, this is just a question I have.
I would love to see the DVD you spoke of and would love to get any other materials on the subject as well.
Thank you for your help
__________________________________________________

That's all for now, I'll update when they reply.

Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah

2005-06-28T13:43:00.000-07:00

Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah

What a powerful song. I'm not quite sure what it is about this song, but it stirs something inside me. It's deep, it's soulful, it's about love. It's just a beautiful song. Check it out.

The ICEE Company

2005-06-22T12:07:00.000-07:00

I just don't get it. I hate it when they raise prices on stuff. Take Icee for example, Icee is my third favorite frozen drink (behind Slush Puppy and Frozen Coke, both of which are no longer sold in my area). I get probably 2-3 32oz. Icees a week and usually pay around $1.19-1.29 for them, depending where I go. A few weeks ago I went to a gas station near my house and found that they raised the price to $1.40. I paid it, but in my head I said I'd never go back. There are two other gas stations within a mile either way of this station. So today (a very hot day, a day I decided to ride my bike to work) I go to the gas station across the street from where I work to get an Icee. First of all, the Icee wasn't that great because two people before me got Icees. They're always best when they've been churning for a while undesturbed. Then I go to pay for it and guess what...IT COSTS $1.40! I guess it's everywhere now and it sucks.
I tried to e-mail Icee to find out what the national average price for a 32oz. Icee is, but there's no contact e-mail on the web site. If someone knows a way to get in touch with them, please let me know.

Bible Blast

2005-06-22T09:22:00.000-07:00

I want to understand the bible. Not understand the bible better, I just want to understand the bible. I read the way some people read and interpret the bible and I want to be able to do that. People like Mclaren, Jay Bakker, Don Miller, people that I repect and enjoy reading. It's like when they read the bible they really see something there, something really speaks to their hearts. When I read the bible, sure, I understand some of it, but not the way some people do. I guess that's why I sometimes (most times) avoid reading the bible. I know, that sounds horrible, but I feel inadequate sometimes when I read it. It's like I could read two books of the bible and nothing jumps out at me, then I read how someone else interprets the same two books and I'm blown away. My prayer is that God will help me understand his word. The bible is beautiful and real and relevant. I just want it to speak to my heart.

Print Story: Prank Against Tom Cruise Leads to Arrests on Yahoo! News

2005-06-21T10:02:00.000-07:00

Print Story: Prank Against Tom Cruise Leads to Arrests on Yahoo! News: "Prank Against Tom Cruise Leads to Arrests Mon Jun 20,10:44 PM ET

The London premiere of Steven Spielberg's 'War of the Worlds' turned into a war of words after Tom Cruise was squirted in the face by a man posing as a reporter.
The 42-year-old actor was outside a movie theater in central London's Leicester Square doing press interviews Sunday when a man squirted Cruise with a water pistol disguised as a microphone, London's Metropolitan Police said.
Cruise appeared to laugh but then asked the prankster: 'Why would you do that?'
As the man gave a barely audible excuse, Cruise said: 'Do you like thinking less of people, is that it?' The prankster tried to walk away but Cruise reached across the metal barrier, held his arm and said: 'Don't run away. That's incredibly rude. I'm here giving you an interview and you do that ... it's incredibly rude.'
The actor grew increasingly irritated and told the man: 'You're a jerk.'
Police detained the man who squirted Cruise and also arrested three other men who filmed the incident. The four were working on a new comedy show for British TV station Channel 4 in which celebrities are the targets of practical jokes."

Does anyone else think this is just dumb? Aren't these people just overreacting? It was just a simple joke, get over it. I wonder if Cruise got Punk'd by Ashton in the same way if he would freak out like he did? I doubt it cause Ashton is famous too. It's sometimes like famous people just live in this bubble, they can do things to each other and say things to each other and nobody bats an eye. But if we (we being the common folk, the peasants) do or say the same things to a famous person we're "bad people" or we're jerks. I don't get it, but then again I'm probably just Jealous (that's right, with a big 'j').

living upside down

2005-06-20T08:52:00.000-07:00

I turned a tree upside down the other day. No, really I did. Helping my dad cut down a tree was an interesting experience in and of itself, but turning the tree upside down especially caught my mind and wouldn't let it go. In fact, it was probably 2 or 3 weeks ago that we did it and I haven't been able to get the image of the tree turned upside down out of my head.
Really it wasn't the whole tree upside down, just the very base of it, the oldest part of the tree shaft that connects to the stump. It was a block about 32 inches high and I took it from the ground and placed it (upside down) in the trailer to be hauled off. The thought hit me...If the tree could feel, what would it feel like being turned upside down for the first time in its life? After growing in the same place for 25+ years, what would it feel like to be turned upside down?
I guess maybe it's like a child (or maybe a dog?) realizing for the first time in her life that when people say "Mary," they're talking about her! Like realizing for the first time in your life what your name is.
Or maybe the feeling is like when you first meet Jesus. Like you've been living your life the same way, trudging through the sludge of sin, believing that you'll never change, you'll always be stuck right where you are for the rest of your life. Then Jesus comes on the scene. He pulls you out, separating you from your past life and turning your world upside down.
I guess maybe that's what the tree felt like being turned upside down, maybe.

A New Beginning

2005-06-07T14:18:00.000-07:00

Here's Round 2, my second try at a blog. I want so badly to have a blog, but I don't want anyone I know to read it. So let's try this one more time...