I just watched a movie called Havoc, well, part of the movie, and I think that's got something to do with the way that I feel. I'm not quite sure what it is about the movie that's got me feeling like something is just...off. More Christianly types would say that there is a disturbance in their spirit; more Star Warsy people would say there's a disturbance in the force. Whatever, something's just not right.
Maybe it's the content of the movie: A graphic look into the lives of teenagers bored with life, trying to be something they're not and never can become, tired of despondent "latch-key parents," raised on Real Sex and MTV, raised with no inhibitions, not afraid to try any drug or any sex position with anyone, anywhere, anytime.
Maybe it's the main actress in the movie and her performance that disturbs me. Anne Hathaway. Many of you will remember Ms. Hathaway from family favorites such as Ella Enchanted, Hoodwinked, and the Princess Diaries I and II. These are family oriented, wholesome movies and Ms. Hathaway (I don't really know what to call her, so out of respect it will be Ms. Hathaway,) has built a reputation as a wholesome actress. But, I assume, as many actors/actresses who find themselves being pigeon-holed into only wholesome movies, I think Ms. Hathaway is attempting to break out into more adult roles. And why wouldn't she, right? She's 23 (just 9 days older than me) and she's an actress who needs to make a living, but she's definitely found her adult role in this movie. Ironically she finds this adult role in playing a teenager. In this film, she's topless numerous times and performs sex acts with at least two different people (remember, I only watched about 45 minutes of the film.) Her language is also very "adult" and would not get past the censors at Disney.
I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for, the fictional character of Allison or Ms. Hathaway. Allison is so bored with life and probably thinks so little of herself that she feels she has to take drugs and sleep around just to get a taste of real life. Ms. Hathaway is a beautiful young actress who, for some reason, feels it was necessary to show off her body to thousands (millions?) on the big screen. I don't understand someone's motivation to appear nude on film, and I know that Ms. Hathaway is an adult and is free to do as she pleases. She felt it was necessary to do this, and I (not wanting to project my morals onto a woman I've never met) don't know why I would expect anything different. In the movie business, you're expected to show off your body, there's almost no way around it according to some actors/actresses, but I still don't understand why someone would want to do it.
So here's my question...my uneasiness after watching this film, that sickly feeling I felt for many hours after viewing it...would I feel the same way if it hadn't been Ms. Hathaway portraying Allison and instead was a no-name actress that I had never before seen and would probably never see again? Was it the actress who fell from the pedestal of wholesome that I placed her on without her consent that gave me the uneasy feeling or was it the content of the movie itself?
And so the responsibility for the disturbance in my force falls on me. Do I enjoy nudity on film as long as it's an actress I don't care about? If it's a nameless naked girl on film, do I enjoy it more than someone I held in regard, someone that I assigned a preconceived notion of character to?
I've recently come to the realization that I don't mind nudity on film. I don't understand it, but as a male, I don't mind it. In fact, I would have to say that I look forward to it. I don't actively seek it out, renting a movie hoping that there's nudity in it and I don't watch porn, but I get excited when I see nudity on film. But after watching Ms. Hathaway's performance, I left feeling sick. WhyWhyWhy?
Why did I leave feeling sick, dirty, like I just watched my sister get raped? Maybe it's the realization that things like this portrayal goes on in the lives of real kids, maybe it's the realization that I project my morals on others, or maybe it's something else. Maybe it's that I'm starting to realize and recognize my own sin and I would feel this way no matter what actress was performing a role such as this. I'm not going to run out and get a movie with a no-name actress who is nude in it to test this theory out, but maybe there is something changing in me. Maybe some of my callousness toward my own sin is being softened away.
I started out the day feeling a sense of freedom that I haven't felt in a very long time. Maybe it's the relief of getting accepted to grad school, maybe it's the excitement of moving to a new city, or maybe my spirit is changing. I hope it's all of these things and more.
Now let's work on the cynicism I feel on Sunday mornings...
