October is so hard for me...

October is Pastor's Appreciation month. I don't know who declared this, but somehow it caught on and churches all over America (the world?) "honor" their pastors in October by buying them vacations, gift certificates for restaurants, and toys for their kids.

I never had a problem with pastor's appreciation month until I became a pastor, well, sort of a pastor. I've been a youth pastor for the past four years. I'm part-time (pay that is, not work,) non-ordained, and not educated at a Bible Institution. My first October as a youth pastor was ok, one Sunday I was presenting our pastor with his weekly gift (yeah, each Sunday in October the pastor and his family get gifts and such.) After I gave him his gift and said (and meant) a few nice things about him, some of the youth jumped up and presented me with a gift for being their youth pastor. This was unplanned by the "official" pastor's appreciation team; I guess they just forgot that I worked as a pastor too, but at least the youth remembered. The next year a similar thing happened, on a Sunday the youth unofficially gave me a gift and then gave me more gifts at our youth meeting. It was cool, totally unexpected since the church as a whole seemed to have a problem recognizing me as a pastor.

Then the hammer came down. Word got to me that the senior pastor, who I thought was a friend, didn't want me to be "honored" by the church as he was on Sunday mornings. It was also around this time that myself and my wife stopped getting invited to the Pastor/Elders dinners. Technically, we were only invited to one, but the pastor made it known to the lady putting on the dinners that I was not invited, I guess because I wasn't a real pastor. Anyway, needless to say, I was extremely upset when the pastor said he didn't want me honored. Well, as a concession, he sorta said that the youth could honor me on Wednesday nights, but not in front of the whole church.

What's up with this? I do the work of a pastor, in fact I do more work than a typical youth pastor. I also have the responsibilities of being the church custodian, unofficial secretary, web/tech guy, and forced to be a children's worker on Sunday mornings. But I can't be honored in front of the whole church? I don't care for cussing, but I just want to scream "F**K that!" I guess this all comes out of feeling dishonored and disposable by the very person who should believe in me and mentor me and want to see me succeed - my boss, my senior pastor.

Maybe I'm just jealous. Jealous that almost everyone wants to see him honored but not me. Jealous that the church pays him $72 thousand a year and all I'm worth is $16 thousand. Angry that the church (or is it just the pastor?) refuses to bring me on full time (again, pay, not work-load.) In fact, the pastor made it known that I would need to take on more responsibility to get brought on full time. I'm angry that nobody in the church seems to know how big the ego is of their pastor, how they think he's the greatest thing since 1927 and they're blind to his shortcomings.

Maybe October is hard because of me. Maybe it's all me and my jealousy and my anger. I'm told not all churches are like this. I hope that's true. In Seattle I hope to find one that is different.

If you attend church, which I do recommend, be informed about the politics of the pastor. Know how big his ego is and whether or not he will share the spotlight.

Church shouldn't be like this. Don't let it be like this.

Four Things I Learned During Hurricane Rita

So, for those who don't know, Hurricane Rita hit the city that I live in and caused mass destruction. It's really made me think about a lot of things, most of them having to do with God and the church. Here's an abreviated version of four things I learned during this whole hurricane experience:
1. A church is not a church unless it serves others (members and non-members)

By church, I don’t mean the actual church building, I mean the people who make up the church.
Church has become something you do, not something you are. Back in the days of Jesus and Paul, they thought of the church more organically. The church to them was alive, moving, breathing yet today it’s become a place to go hang out and look pretty for a couple hours a week.
In 1 Corinthians 12:25-27 Paul viewed the church as a living body, moving, breathing, working.
If a body is without motion it becomes useless. Muscles deteriorate, bones get weak, and stomachs get bigger.
Too many churches today are couch potato churches, not moving, not working, and not serving and I think they’re massively off course. To be a Christ-Follower is to serve.

2. Church members should be warm and accepting to visitors and members alike
This should be a no-brainer, but people go to places where they feel accepted. If a person visits a church where nobody talks to them, they’re looked at like monkeys in a cage, or they’re looked down upon they’re not going to stick around.
I'm tired of churches who are so inward minded that they don't notice the hurting, love-starved people who visit on Sunday mornings. I have heard people talk about these kinds of churches, but had never experienced one until recently and it hurt.
Church members should reach across racial, gender, and age boundaries and love one another. They should love people as if their lives depended on it, as if they had a chance to be the only smiling face, the only warm hug, the only accepting human contact a visitor will ever experience.
Church members: Get your head out of your own butt and love people

3. It’s easy to say, “My stuff is just my stuff, if I were to lose it all today I’d be fine because I’d still have my life and my family,” until you’re faced with losing it all

I don’t have a lot of super nice things, but the things I do have I really like. I really like my computers, my stereo, my tv, my clothes, my car.
I didn’t really realize how much I liked them till the Thursday we evacuated. As I saw everyone in my city scrambling around to get out of town and I was packing up the essentials, it hit me: All my stuff could be gone when I get back.
This thought crushed me, so all that morning God and I wrestled. Somewhere in that wrestling it hit me: My stuff is way too important to me. In fact, I would venture to say that I wanted my stuff more than I wanted God.
And this was tough for me to deal with, I’ve been a Christian most of my life, I’m a freakin’ youth pastor, I go to church numerous times a week, how could my stuff be more important to me than God?
It’s kind of like the story of the rich young ruler talked about in three different books of the Bible: the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke.
This guy comes to Jesus and says, “What do I have to do to get into Heaven,” and Jesus starts quoting the Ten Commandments.
This rich guy says, “That’s it? I’ve already done all of that, are you sure there isn’t anything more I can do?”
Jesus says, “Sure, if you want to do more you need to sell all of your stuff, and you’ve got a lot (maybe Jesus saw his DVD screen headrests on the back of his camel) and give the money to the poor. Then come follow me.”
And the guy went away sad because he valued his stuff more than he valued Jesus.
I don’t want to fall into the trap of valuing my stuff more than I value discovering who Jesus is through relationship with him. It’s tough and it’s a struggle, but life is too short to miss out on the journey of exploring the love and salvation of Jesus in exchange for a new Xbox or a car.

4. God is in control, but he chose not to keep the hurricane away

This is something I’ve been trying to understand for some time.
We hear this a lot, that “God is in control.” Many of the churches in our area, the few who still have church signs, have "God is in control" on their sign. When bad stuff happens, sometimes people say, “It’s ok, God is in control.”
Maybe I’m the only one in the universe who has ever thought this, but if God is in control, then why did Hurricanes Katrina and Rita happen? Why was my home fine and my parents’ destroyed? Why didn't he do more to stop it or at least make it a little better?
If God is controlling things, then why does bad stuff happen?
I don’t have a clear-cut answer.
When we say “God is in control,” we often think of God as controlling things like a chess player looking over the board – nothing happens without the chess master making it happen.
But I think if we think of God this way, we really distort his character.
Instead of thinking of God as a chess master or a mechanical operator turning levers and pressing buttons to get desired results, I think a better analogy would be a parent raising a child. (thanks Brian Mclaren)
In fact God is called our “Father” in the Bible.
If a parent raises up a child, teaches them well, loves them, and sets them on a good path for living, then that kid goes and robs a bank, we don’t blame the parents.
So here’s the connection: God created this awesome world yet there is death, disaster, and destruction.
The conclusion that I have to come to is that God created this world, he loves it and the people in it, and for some reason well beyond my understanding, he chooses to limit how much he interferes in it.
I have to trust that when God does interfere and when he doesn’t, he knows best.
I also have to realize that I’m not as smart as God, I don’t know the big picture but God does and God knows.

And that's where I'll leave it for now.